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Victim to victor
The story of Crystal Harris spurred the California legislature into action.
August 27th, 2012
06:30 AM ET

Victim to victor

By Jim Roope, CNN

Editor's Note: This story contains content some may find objectionable for younger listeners.

Los Angeles (CNN) - The California legislature unanimously passed a bill last week that would prohibit victims of spousal abuse from having to pay alimony to their convicted abuser. The bill is a result of one California woman who says she was a victim of spousal abuse and the justice system.

[:48] “Four years ago, my husband attacked me. He raped me and I just…it’s hard to talk about,” said 39-year-old mother of two, Crystal Harris.

Harris is a successful financial planner and her husband, Shawn, was a stay-at-home dad raising their two boys. Harris said in the years after their second son was born, her husband began to get violent. First verbally then physically, and as the years progressed it only got worse.

[1:14] “He had been threatening to kill me for months before that and I believed him,” she said. “And so it was the second attack in less than a week where the violence was so escalated that shifted my whole world where I didn’t really think I was going to survive that attack.”

That second attack happened on March 28, 2008. She caught the second attack on tape.

When Shawn Harris was convicted of forced oral copulation, the judge ordered Crystal to pay her husband, her convicted attacker, spousal support; $1,000 per month and to pay his legal fees.

She reached out to the California legislature for help.

[6:59] “I was shocked to learn Crystal had to pay alimony and legal fees to her abuser," said Democratic Assembly Member Toni Akins. “I think that’s the whole point to what led me to picking up this bill and moving it forward.”

The bill now goes to Governor Jerry Brown for his signature. Atkins says there is every indication he will sign it into law.

What are your thoughts about Crystal’s story? Join the conversation below.

soundoff (1,304 Responses)
  1. SA

    Romney12 I love the way people pick and choose parts from the bible. Yes, it does say wives submit to their husbands. But the line before says "brothers and sisters, be subordinate to one another" . A few lines later "husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church" Then "husbands should love their wives as they love their own bodies." It also alludes to cleansing so sanctify her, and nourish and cherish her. This passage is much more about how a man should treat a woman than instructions for a woman to put out whenever commanded. It seems like the corporate media is convincing people this country is run by the bible. Scary since it seems like none of those who repeatedly quote it have read it. There are probably more mis-quotes than correct quotes. When you take things out of context like you did to serve your point, the meaning changes drastically. It shows how ignorant you are.

    August 27, 2012 at 1:47 pm | Report abuse |
  2. formercal

    I don't condone the assaultive behavior by the estranged spouse/ But, I also do not condone the unequal distribution of alimony. Just because she is female, she should not be entitled to alimony. And, once again, California is attempting to establish new laws with are discriminatory and favor the wife in a divorce case, battery or not. Even verbal abuse can be grounds for tis unequal application of this law.

    August 27, 2012 at 1:41 pm | Report abuse |
    • Ironox

      She is not requesting alimony, he was. She was fighting having to pay $1000 a month to her abusive, rapist ex-husband.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:48 pm | Report abuse |
    • Blanton

      You need to read the article again. She had to pay him alimony and his court fees...

      August 27, 2012 at 1:53 pm | Report abuse |
    • N

      For the record...this article isn't about alimony in a normal divorce case. It's about why should she have to pay alimony to her husband when he raped/assaulted her. I would say the same thing, if it were a woman assaulting a man. Under normal circumstances, I believe that alimony should be paid by either spouse, as calculated fairly based upon the length of marriage, salaries involved, etc.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:58 pm | Report abuse |
    • Ellen

      Formercal: Try actually reading the article. SHE was forced to pay her husband (her abuser and rapist) alimony after they divorced. This article is about how they've created a new law so she does not have to be victimized by him every time she sent HIM a check.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:00 pm | Report abuse |
  3. Not So Proud

    Where can I make a donation to your cause ?

    It appears you need all the help you can get for your self centered, ignorant, outdated viewpoints

    Why don't you buy a one way ticket to Saudi Arabia, your philosophy will be more welcome there

    August 27, 2012 at 1:40 pm | Report abuse |
  4. Nathan

    I went out one night; dressed up to kill; looking like a young al pacino hit man; and met a new divorcee in a bar; she sat there all night telling me how she fucked over her husband ...............so i went home with her; fucked her stupid brains out; and walked away; never to see that hoe again.............man has got to do what a man has to do...........

    August 27, 2012 at 1:38 pm | Report abuse |
  5. Tom Abbott

    Why don't you have this discussion with your mother, or grandmother or aunts....... or some female that you love,and ONE that loves you back, if you can find 'em.....

    August 27, 2012 at 1:38 pm | Report abuse |
  6. tks123

    Wow, with your kind of logic, it is a wonder your centre is functioning at all. So let's see a victim who fights to not pay alimony to her abuser is the same as an abuser not having to pay his victime. Hmmmmm, yeah I see how those are the same.

    August 27, 2012 at 1:38 pm | Report abuse |
  7. unowhoman

    Child custody should have nothing to do with gender! Too many women get kids simply because they are a woman even though the father is the better parent. 99% of men in jail have so called mothers but how many have fathers. Women don't like to hear this but after age 2 or 3 a good father is more important than the mother. No father = all types of problem for girls and boys. Most of the good fathers that I know have said the following "if I were to get a divorce & get my kids I would be so happy I wouldn't ask for child support"!

    August 27, 2012 at 1:37 pm | Report abuse |
  8. Battsman

    Your post would make a lot more sense if the article you are replying to didn't state in it that she caught the abusive encounter on tape.

    August 27, 2012 at 1:35 pm | Report abuse |
  9. Dude

    You are an idiot. Read the whole article, and by the way, keep your Canadian opinion in Canada.

    August 27, 2012 at 1:33 pm | Report abuse |
  10. AGeek

    Fabricated allegations still must be substantiated. The US remains under the Rule of Law. You must *prove* the abuse. Once that is done in a jury or bench trial, then you should be under no obligation to support your abuser. The very notion is obtuse and insulting on the face of it.

    August 27, 2012 at 1:31 pm | Report abuse |
  11. DontAsk

    I reside in a state that does not recognize alimony. I'm left to take care of the one person I should take care of.....my daughter, not a materialistic woman that spends every extra dime on fake breast, new cars and diamond tennis bracelets.

    August 27, 2012 at 1:31 pm | Report abuse |
  12. Wastrel

    There should not be a need for such a law. No judge should award alimony to a spouse who abuses his or her partner. If a law like that is needed, then we also need a law that kicks stupid judges off the bench.

    August 27, 2012 at 1:30 pm | Report abuse |
    • SunShine

      I remember being shocked when this story first came out – but the judge actually had to award alimony due to the laws in that state. I wish I could tell you more but I don't remember the specifics.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:36 pm | Report abuse |
  13. SourDiesel

    OK, a few comments. First off, its never ok to rape your wife or anyone else for that matter. HOWEVER...... There are PLENTY of dudes out there who were abused, cheated on, treated like s**t by their former whores and they STILL have to pay alimony. Why is this different? You horrible b****es want equal rights, equal pay, equal everything but you still want to claim "being a female" for things you dont like??? This isnt a knock on this lady, its a knock on ALL YOU EVIL SKANKS!!! You wanna have what men have, then f***ing act like one!!

    August 27, 2012 at 1:28 pm | Report abuse |
    • Puckles

      Bitter much? Any man who lets a woman abuse him is a loser woos who should hang his head in shame.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:32 pm | Report abuse |
      • Anonymous

        When a man stands up to a woman he is labeled an abuser.

        August 28, 2012 at 2:17 pm | Report abuse |
    • Nikki

      Wow. Just... wow. Not a knock on this particular lady, just each and every one of us "EVIL SKANKS". Incredible. You seriously need help. Really. Find a therapist today. I don't know where your issues come but you have a lot. http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/

      August 27, 2012 at 1:38 pm | Report abuse |
    • Puckles

      Yeah, like you could ever get a young Asian chick. LOSER.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:40 pm | Report abuse |
    • dave

      WOW you are sick - if come out of the closet and admit you wnat it hard fast and often from men men and more men, then you will start to lose your sick hatred of women

      August 27, 2012 at 1:40 pm | Report abuse |
    • Melanie

      The only thing you are most likely banging is your head into a drawer.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:41 pm | Report abuse |
    • MRN32

      Sucks to be you.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:42 pm | Report abuse |
    • Crissy

      It's obvious to me that you have been the victim of horrible abuse and I'm just so sorry that someone hurt you and made you into this. You don't have to live in this dark pit of ugly and I'll be hoping that you reach for a way out of what you have become. I want better for you than this and I hope you find it.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:43 pm | Report abuse |
    • Louis

      Your comments are logical but your message is lost in the language. It is wrong to abuse any person but to use abuse as a way to escape financial oblgations in a divorce is ridiculous. If I am a man, I would simply say that my wife verbally and emotionally abused me so I am not going to pay her alimony.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:58 pm | Report abuse |
    • whataworld

      I agree . . . women wreak havoc on men every day - illegally - through our legal system and that in itself should be classified as abuse.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:06 pm | Report abuse |
  14. Beam48

    Good for her! I am sure this will help many who have been abused by their spouse.

    August 27, 2012 at 1:26 pm | Report abuse |
  15. J.Alexander

    You are dealing in maybe they have kids, children need support. There is so much discontent in this country, we are all Americans, people base their opinion on emotion not fact, or what they choose to believe. I wonder did some of these men have mothers, or sisters, or or female children, they may think it's macho to make these stupid comments you wonder no they couldn't believe them

    August 27, 2012 at 1:24 pm | Report abuse |
  16. jon h.

    As offensive as it is, this situation is really about two different issues. Yes, the man is a horrible person. And a criminal. But that does not change the domestic situation that he was a "Stay-At-Home-Dad." If a woman that is a "Stay At Home Mom" is entitled to alimony, then a man is, too. The fact that he is an abuser makes this case repugnant. But it does not alter the situation

    August 27, 2012 at 1:23 pm | Report abuse |
    • Ottawa Mens Centre

      Excellent post. This happens to a very large percentage of full time fathers. She wishes to end the marriage, get the kids so she fabricates allegations of assault or spends years provoking him and on the one occassion he responds, she has a video recorder running so, she won't have to pay support ,so he won't have an income so she gets the kids despite the fact that she is the one with the violence and mental health problems.

      http://www.OttawaMensCentre.com

      August 27, 2012 at 1:26 pm | Report abuse |
      • alfranken

        I doubt is was raped in the sense of the whole definition of their sexual role playing idea's. That's why you never let someone tape you while having sex even if you acknowledge it on tape Very stupid idea

        August 27, 2012 at 1:30 pm | Report abuse |
      • jakedog

        You are a douche. Read the article.

        August 27, 2012 at 2:04 pm | Report abuse |
    • tks123

      Jon H. that is flawed thinking. The two situations are linked. In your case it would be perfectly ok and justified to make living conditions so unbearable for the wage earning spouse to fiile for divorce just so the abusing spouse can get alimony and not have to be married.

      Bad precedent. A person should never profit from their crime. The crime is the abuse. If he can not afford to take care of the children, he is unfit and custody should go to the woman, unless it is proven she too is unfit, then the children go to family services for safe placement.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:44 pm | Report abuse |
      • Louis

        tks123, your logic makes no sense. Even if he is an abuser during the one incident, he was a spouse that sacrifice his earning power to stay at home to support her and his kids. I am the biggest democratic liberal there is but this law is ridiculous.

        August 27, 2012 at 2:01 pm | Report abuse |
      • jon h.

        "Flawed Thinking"? Would you still have the same opinion if the roles were reversed?

        August 27, 2012 at 3:02 pm | Report abuse |
    • JP

      Gosh...I don't know where you men are from...I have never known a woman, stay-at-home or not, who received alimony. I'm speaking from the perspective of a divorced woman whose ex-husband moved and left no forwarding address to avoid paying child support for his daughter. All the courts I've known have said the stay-at-home Moms needed to get a job!

      August 27, 2012 at 1:53 pm | Report abuse |
  17. CommonMan

    For years of marriage she LOVED being forced to submit when she got home from her dull day at the office... then one day... she wanted to avoid alimony... and claimed, "Rape"... after staging video evidence... hum... REASONABLE DOUBT... I think so...

    August 27, 2012 at 1:18 pm | Report abuse |
    • Shanna

      What on EARTH? To anyone arguing that this woman wanted to be abused: you're insane, evil, or both. The end.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:21 pm | Report abuse |
      • swell_swell

        Shanna: Don't feed the trolls. They will keep coming around begging for food and forget how to live in the woods like normal wild animals.

        August 27, 2012 at 1:28 pm | Report abuse |
    • Common_sense

      Really? That is the silliest thing I've ever heard. The dude was convicted of raping her. Let some guy rape you then you have to pay him and see how you like it.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:22 pm | Report abuse |
      • Ottawa Mens Centre

        Rape convictions occur regularly simply upon a "she said" against a "he said".

        We have "Male Sharia Law" that is an affront to the fundamental principles of justice.

        Fact is, increasingly, men have no legal rights and an illegal "Reverse Onus" applies ,
        that is, if you can't prove yourself innocent of the allegations you are found guilty,
        lose your kids , lose your house, lose our income and any alimony,
        thanks to a dead beat judge applying the dead beat legal principle of Male Sharia Law

        http://www.OttawaMensCentre.com

        August 27, 2012 at 1:28 pm | Report abuse |
    • maxine

      how would u know that???

      August 27, 2012 at 1:52 pm | Report abuse |
  18. alex

    This is what women get for forgetting how to empower themselves vs showing their breast and butts or plastic surgery or putting down other women for how they look or even fighting for the right to breast feed 'where ever'. We are still being paid less for the same work, we pay more goods and services cause, well she's just a woman. So until women stop allowing themselves to be used and abused and start educating ourselves and children, nothing is going to change cause instead of the judge being a woman, she'd would rather be a baby momma and wait on someone to give them whatever. Stop sitting around and get empowered.

    August 27, 2012 at 1:16 pm | Report abuse |
    • CommonMan

      alex – oh nonsense... women are ruling our courts... nice try... troll.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:19 pm | Report abuse |
      • Stephanie

        Its really sad that so much gender bashing is going on. Not all of the facts are present here yet the men are generalizing what has happened to this family based on either their own experiences or that of their friends or aquaintences. Maybe instead of just marrying whatever female happens to fall for your line of crap, why don't the men be a lot more selective in whom they choose to "bang" or if they don't want to get tied down to a "whore" put a hood on it when you decide you need sex. Not all women are trash just like not all men are sex hungry woman haters. If people would spend more time getting to know the person they "think" they want to spend the rest of their lives with, maybe there would be fewer abuses out there. People spend more time picking out a sofa than they do picking out a sexual partner or spouse. Unfortunately, our justice system is backwards in ruling for who gets the kids. Plenty of men out there make terrific dads and many moms are just not fit. Every case should be decided on what is best for the child(ren) not just based on tradition. Maybe if couples worked harder on seeing what is best for their child(ren) instead of getting revenge on a lousy spouse, these divorces could be more amicable and better for the kids all around.

        August 27, 2012 at 1:53 pm | Report abuse |
  19. Chuck

    2 Things need to happen.

    The system needs to start taking men seriously and men have to have witnessess or proof of abuse. I am sure that once people realise that you shouldn't be able to claim abuse without any physical proof or witnessess then everything will work out.

    If it becomes a case of automatically believing that someone was abused because they said so, then this is going to be a hot mess.

    August 27, 2012 at 1:09 pm | Report abuse |
    • DefineRape

      C huck – Your suggestion make sense... but LAWYERS don;t enrich themselves making sense and solving problems... they make money by creating ridiculous ambiguity... why? because we have allowed them to take seats in all three branches of gov... a conflict of interest... if you want law to make sense... reduce lawyers roles in creating and enforcing it.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:11 pm | Report abuse |
      • Stephanie

        Maybe we need to take lawyers out of the divorce court. Put substantiated facts before a judge, each group tells their side, bring witnesses to testify to facts only. Let the judge make a decision. Lawyers have turned court procedings into a mockery and a case of whoever has the most money or "best witnesses" (whether truthful or not) wins. Thats not justice.

        August 27, 2012 at 1:56 pm | Report abuse |
  20. unowhoman

    She should have to pay that alimony just like a man should have to pay that child support when the woman is awarded custody!

    August 27, 2012 at 1:08 pm | Report abuse |
    • Robert D

      Fortunately you're a moron so sit down and shut up!

      August 27, 2012 at 1:19 pm | Report abuse |
    • vingtsunguy

      Alimony and child support are two different things. You might want to do some research before spewing your nonsense.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:21 pm | Report abuse |
    • TRC

      Talk about comparing apples to oranges. Child support is for the care and maintenance of the children. Spousal support is for the care and maintenance of the spouse. If he had custody of the children, he would still receive child support. You shouldn't have to somebody who abused you. And while she set up the tape, it does not say for how long she had been recording, only that it was the second attack in a week.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:42 pm | Report abuse |
    • tks123

      I would say this is the dumbest logic posted, unfortunately there are a great many idiotic posts. Congratulations on confirming and successfully demonstrating that you are an illogical troll.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:04 pm | Report abuse |
  21. alfranken

    So all I have to do is emotionally abuse my spouse till she can't handle it anymore and physically attacks me while I have a nanny cam running in every room of the house (with no sound of course).

    Walla no spousal support for you b*tch.

    (see how easy that is - it took me a whole 5 seconds to dream that one up) very stupid law.

    August 27, 2012 at 1:06 pm | Report abuse |
    • DefineRape

      franken – yep. You defined the new litigation economy for lawyers. more litigation... that's the agenda... for a profit.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:09 pm | Report abuse |
    • king

      it took me even less time to realize how stupid YOU are. wolla

      August 27, 2012 at 1:13 pm | Report abuse |
  22. john4carter

    How many husbands that are about to file for divorce will "stage and prop" and abuse situation? First he keeps a diary and sends emails to his buddies about the "abuse" he is getting and asks for advise. Finally, when she is sleeping, he burns his hand with a hot pan. He then calls the police and presses charges. Ahhh... No Alimony for her... thanks for the 18 years of marriage.

    August 27, 2012 at 1:04 pm | Report abuse |
  23. Lady

    You are all proving that our culture is broken. It's all about you, isn't it? I say the nuclear family is the ideal situation for the child. Parents need to stay focused on what is best for the child. Divorce, like abortion, should be rare and only if it involves abuse, addiction or infidelity. And marriage should precede parenthood as the best thing for a child. I raised my children as a single Mom without child support. My ex-husband was abusive and is now a lifer in prison. It was hard but my children turned out okay. Unfortunately, many of the Gen X crowd and younger bought into the notion that marriage is optional. I have a son who foolishly had a child out of wedlock when he was young. He pays most of his salary after taxes to his first child's mother leaving his second child scraping by on the remainder. His wife has to work or they would starve. I have a daughter with an ex-spouse who left right after her child was born because marriage and parenting was too difficult for him. He works as little as possible leaving her to mostly support her child on her own. My youngest son has been married for years and has one child. His wife stays home and cares for him. Maybe my youngest learned from his older siblings or maybe he's just smarter. It's time to stop fooling ourselves and get real.

    August 27, 2012 at 1:04 pm | Report abuse |
    • DefineRape

      Lady – Impossible. Woman are wh0res. When they started working they went wild and that dynamic broke up the Leave it To Beaver household... bad choice of examples... but anyway... woman are just plain dogs now... and men... victims.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:05 pm | Report abuse |
    • karlotious

      As a generation x'er i can say that you failed not our generation. our generation is more compassionate, understanding, and open than your generation can ever hope to be. We are better multi-taskers, believe less in a spagetti monster, and are the most educated in history. Marriage is no longer our only option and when we view people who consider it that i laugh and pity.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:09 pm | Report abuse |
    • Pallasathene

      Lady, according to your own words, you should have remarried since that's what would have been best for your kids. You praise the fact that your kids turned out okay. Those same children who turned out so great they are single and raising children with the same issues you had. You were an excellent role model. This woman was supporting her whole family and got the short end of the stick. Many men can't stand the fact that their wives make more money than they do, and it causes strife. That is what I get out of this story. Child support and alimony are two separate ideas. One supports an adult, the other supports a child who cannot fend for itself.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:24 pm | Report abuse |
    • choiceshemade

      "He pays most of his salary after taxes to his first child's mother leaving his second child scraping by on the remainder. His wife has to work or they would starve." / It was your sons CHOICE to have a first child, much less a SECOND child. Why does this situatin shock people so much? Also, most spouses HAVE TO WORK or else the family starves. How is your situation any different.

      I chose NOT to have kids so I could avoid this whole mess. Looks like I made the right decision.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:28 pm | Report abuse |
  24. DC

    My wife verbally abused me throughout our marriage, and I was the bread-winner. Does this law allow me to avoid paying her alimony now that we're going through a divorce?

    August 27, 2012 at 1:02 pm | Report abuse |
    • DefineRape

      Nope. Here's the new law: Woman? [ CHECK PITY TRIP ] man [ DEMAND FINANCIAL DISCLOSURE ]

      August 27, 2012 at 1:06 pm | Report abuse |
    • sam

      The difference here is your a man and she is a woman. This is a free pass for women in divorce and there will be a lot of guys in prison who have done nothing wrong just so their wives don't have to pay alimony. Divorce proceedings should be gender neutral, the judge should have no knowledge of which person is the man or woman in the divorce.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:15 pm | Report abuse |
  25. pk

    Please read the article. She was not paying child support, she has custody of the children. He was a stay at home dad when they were married. She was court ordered by a judge to pay support and attorney's fees connected to the divorce to a man convicted of abusing her. There was video taped evidence of the abuse. Spousal abuse by either the husband or wife should not be rewarded. This is not a female vs male issue this is a human issue.

    August 27, 2012 at 1:01 pm | Report abuse |
    • jimroopecnn

      I urge everyone to please LISTEN to the story. You can hear the complete story if you click the audio player under the picture.
      Jim

      August 27, 2012 at 1:04 pm | Report abuse |
    • TWOSIDES

      AMEN PK!

      August 27, 2012 at 1:09 pm | Report abuse |
    • CommonMan

      pk – actually incorrect. This is a gender-biased issue... where it is assumed ALL of the emotional abuse by the wife is irrelevant... and the questionable "evidence" staged by her premeditation was that of an innocent victim.... nonsense...

      Apparently... you attempt to confuse the issues... in reality...

      August 27, 2012 at 1:15 pm | Report abuse |
      • Carol

        You are an idiot!!

        August 27, 2012 at 2:28 pm | Report abuse |
    • Mad River

      Justice is to be blind...when did that last happen? Doesnt matter what is said about woman or man, and justice in divorce, very rarely does the woman get the shaft? being beat or verbal abuse...being beat heals, verbal abuse, according to some, is far worse then being beat. Verbal abuse isnt visable, can be very long lasting.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:47 pm | Report abuse |
  26. Not what it Might be

    Now there is a law that says if you abuse your spouse, you owe no alimony. This is wrong. Why? Because every woman who has the potential to pay alimony in the future is going to claim spousal abuse. This opens it up to a lot of fraud. What evidence is sufficient to claim abuse? Is her testimony alone sufficient? You just watch and see the dramatic increase in abuse that will be alleged in cases where the woman might have to pay alimony.

    As for this case, if the facts are as alleged(and that is a big if) then he does not deserve alimony. But as the always say hard cases make for bad law.

    August 27, 2012 at 1:01 pm | Report abuse |
    • deadlyserious

      Except the law only applies to cases where felony abuse has already been proven.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:02 pm | Report abuse |
    • jimroopecnn

      The abuser has to be convicted of felony abuse. With out a conviction the law is not in play.
      Jim

      August 27, 2012 at 1:06 pm | Report abuse |
    • HAHA

      Men are King......They need to start treating women correctly....they need to be picky about the women they
      marry, or sleep with....if they dont they will PAY!!!!!. Period!!!

      August 27, 2012 at 1:15 pm | Report abuse |
    • retphxfire

      It's not about child support, it alimony. If he's capable of working or is in prison, there should be no alimony. It's to help either spouse who has no means of support and it's not for a lifetime, just a limited time to either go to school to obtain skills that may provide as well as the marriage funds or to find work. There has to be consequences for abuse. YOU decide to bring extreme harm to the person who is offering support, you made your own choice to end support.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:18 pm | Report abuse |
  27. Ellen

    What some folks consider "wifely duties" is just plain dumb. What are the "husbandly duties"? Where's the contract that says any woman is required – or duty bound – to have sex with her husband whenever he desires it? She had kids by him so obviously it happened at some point. So, her "wifely duties" were fulfilled. If he was unhappy with the situation, he could file for divorce. Why was he a stay-at-home dad? Must have not cared about his kids to want to do that to their mother. Anyone who feels bad for that man, should go join him in prison because you're just like him. Marriage was not supposed to be a power struggle, but a co-existence by two individuals. To have to pay alimony to someone who assaulted you – in any manner – is just plain offensive. She now has to take care of the kids (he's in prison thank God) and pay someone who is a deadbeat alimony. Salt in a wound. So now he can do his "prisonly duties" without pay. Yeah!

    August 27, 2012 at 1:01 pm | Report abuse |
  28. DefineRape

    If he was really raping her her body would have prevented it. And, since when is a BJ considered rape? Aren't we getting alittle carried away here? Clinton NEVER had sex with that woman. She gave him a BJ. Clinton is STILL A LEADER of our country. He defines BJ as "non-sexual". This judge needs to resign. He's clearly ANTI-CLINTON.

    August 27, 2012 at 1:00 pm | Report abuse |
    • Thinks2010

      @DefineRape–Well, I guess Todd Akin isn't the only believer in "legitimate rape." DefineRape–get back to me after some man forces you to give him a BJ and let me know if you were raped.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:05 pm | Report abuse |
      • DefineRape

        It wouldn't be as man any longer when I was done... no problem... case closed.

        August 27, 2012 at 1:08 pm | Report abuse |
    • whatthefck?

      are some of your really questioning whether a blow job is rape? how about i get 10 guys to force you to give them a blow job. have them force their dicks down your throat. and then ejaculate all over your face and then see if you dont feel like youve been raped.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:25 pm | Report abuse |
  29. alfranken

    This new law is a terrible idea that will stoke the dysfunctional agenda's of "wanna be victim's".

    Being successfully accused of being an abuser is the ultimate goal of some spouses and this just gives the far more incentive.

    Sure, some men are abusive but my guess is that more than half of them are either made out to be through unreasonable conditions deliberated by the "real abuser" or they are just down right abusive.

    So if they enforce this law then they need to wipe out the whole no fault divorce and start making cheating on spouses matter in alimony cases because that is a sort of abuse as well especially when children are involved.

    This law is half baked and needs to be reevaluated.

    August 27, 2012 at 12:51 pm | Report abuse |
    • me

      You are a fkng idiot

      August 27, 2012 at 12:58 pm | Report abuse |
  30. unowhoman

    Dear guys, the smartest thing a guy that wants kids can do is pay a surrogate to have his kid as part of a contract and that way your kid can never be taken from you. If you want to get married then fine, make sure she already has a kid that way she can't say I don't have any kids. Everybody has a kid and everybody can take there kid with them if these don't go right. This would benefit women also because men wouldn't have to wait until the kids finish high school or college to divorce therefore allowing women to be divorced younger and giving them a better chance to remarry.

    August 27, 2012 at 12:51 pm | Report abuse |
    • alfranken

      or just be sure you marry someone civilized and when the marriage doesn't work you are still partners as parents. Some of us are so lucky to say that.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:57 pm | Report abuse |
    • DefineRape

      unowhuman – poor kids. they'll never hear their parents fighting.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:02 pm | Report abuse |
    • Patrick Lewis

      From the sound of your advice, I don't think you have to worry about ANYONE wanting to marry you EVER, so you can just relax with your misogynist self and continue to download porn.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:04 pm | Report abuse |
    • deedee

      Wow. You have all the answers, huh? What you said made no sense at all. Learn how to spell too.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:11 pm | Report abuse |
    • whatthefck?

      i feel like im wadding through comments made by people who are seriously not right in the head. lets use some common sense. You should have kids with someone that you love and loves you back. Not some stranger. i just dont even want to respond to the rest of that comment because you must be like 12 years old with that mentality

      August 27, 2012 at 1:29 pm | Report abuse |
  31. starr

    Good Lord, Bobby, GET SOME THERAPY before you rape someone.
    What bothers me here is she should not have to pay alimony to someone who does not have custody of the kids. Let him get a damn job. If he does have custody, and has demonstrated such callous violence, then she is guilty of child endangerment.
    Alimony was designed to protect uneducated women from being unable to provide for themselves and their children if their husband dumped them for a bimbo. Its not a punitive payment or entitlement. It should apply to men only if they cannot get a job because they sacrificed their education and experience to allow their wife to get ahead.
    The alimony is separate from whether or not he raped her or abused her. He should be prosecuted for that. If he meets the criteria for alimony, he gets it. Then, she should make his life hell.

    August 27, 2012 at 12:49 pm | Report abuse |
    • TWOSIDES

      While I agree that's not the case for all states. My husband is not the father of my children, does not financially support them and yet, he will be entitled to spousal support because I make more money.......

      August 27, 2012 at 1:02 pm | Report abuse |
  32. Jim

    Hopefully the legislation is gender neutral so that the rules for alimony apply equally to both gender.

    @BOBBY: get help.

    August 27, 2012 at 12:49 pm | Report abuse |
  33. Pliny

    Find the judge who did this. He is elected.

    Copy this article. Highlight what the judge did.

    Send a copy to everyone in the district that votes for that judge.

    August 27, 2012 at 12:48 pm | Report abuse |
  34. TWOSIDES

    There are two sides to every story and I agree with what California did. As long as there is proof (evidence) of abuse, the victim should not be paying her attacker. We all should believe in equality for rights in divorce proceedings (men and women). Examples: if the man is worth $2 billion and the wife cheated, the wife SHOULD NOT get a penny; if the woman was abused by her husband, he should not get a penny in spousal support.

    After loosing my late husband, I met, fell in love and remarried....... In the beginning he worked several jobs and together with his social security check, he made ends meet. I'm not well off, but better than him, so willingly, I gave him my charge card so he would have it for emergencies. Wtihin 2 months, he stopped working extra jobs.....4 years later and after paying off this charge card 4 times, I've put my foot down! The money was left for my sons (one with special needs) and not my new husband! He wants to spend and does NOT care that I'm in retirement zone and can't retire due to the bills. He told me the other day that he expects me to continue working to support him and all the bills. He does NO home improvements (says it's not in his name and NOT willed to him......). His visitis his daughter daily and expects me to pay for his gas (60 miles round trip). He threatens me verbally, curses at me in front of my boys and has stated that if I "kick him out", he will go after me for spousal support. A family member of his, has since told me that he "wished he knew me before I married him" that he knew he was looking for a "sugar mama", been married 6 times and never held a job for more than a year....". I now have more hurt than love.....never had a divorce, but I am diligently looking for ways to cut my loses, secure what I have left so he can't touch it and kick him out....my boys do not deserve a man like him to look up to. As much as he has taken from me, why should I have to pay him a penny?

    August 27, 2012 at 12:48 pm | Report abuse |
    • Sue

      Divorce him. The longer you are married to someone the more likely you would have to pay spousal support. Alimony is not common anymore. Did you not think twice when marrying someone that had been married 6 times? Get separate accounts so he can't just take your money. See an attorney and FAST!

      August 27, 2012 at 1:07 pm | Report abuse |
      • TWOSIDES

        THANKS Sue! By the way, I didn't know about 4 of them......my mistake for only knowing him for 2 months before saying "I do". THANKS again!

        August 27, 2012 at 1:17 pm | Report abuse |
  35. greg

    any man who forces his wife to have sex with him is a rapist. a rapist should never be compensated for child support or alimony. he should never be allowed to see his children again.

    August 27, 2012 at 12:48 pm | Report abuse |
    • T. E. Lawrence O. A.

      THAT RIDICULOUS MYTH might possibly account for 1% of these situations – it is a lame, typical and oft-used argument to base Policy on rare exceptions. Do you apply this logic to ALL Public Policy and Legal issues?

      Apply your silly argument to all other legal issues and bring them to logical conclusion to see just how bigoted it really is – because it's almost always argued about Rape and Sexual Assault, but never other crimes.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:32 pm | Report abuse |
  36. Frank

    Here we go, folks. Now the abuse claims against husbands will sky rocket whenever the word "divorce" is in the air. I GUARANTEE IT.

    August 27, 2012 at 12:47 pm | Report abuse |
    • Berman

      Explain. Because what you seem to be implying is that the "normal" circumstance is for the wife to pay the husband alimony and that couldn't be further from the truth.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:53 pm | Report abuse |
    • Reba

      The law discussed says "convicted abuser". So a claim of abuse won't be sufficient. Everyone will get their day in court and the standard for guilt will still be beyond a reasonable doubt as determined by a jury.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:56 pm | Report abuse |
  37. Andi

    For goodness sake. what is wrong with our justice system. "Punish the victim" seems to more and more be the name of the game. that poor woman, abused and forced by an ignorant judge to pay alimony to the guy who hurt her. Wonder if the judge abuses his spouse or just plain hates women. Bet it is definitely one or both of them.

    August 27, 2012 at 12:47 pm | Report abuse |
  38. mindy

    Except that the judjge that presided over the rape case was not the judge for the divorce. He was that stay at home parent so he qualitfied for alimoney. That is what will be fixed with the bill. Sounds like someone is distorting the situation. If it were the same court proceedings then I see the outrage but to be fair it is an inacuratcey in the law that needs to be fixed but he was not awarded $$ because he raped her whichis how the writer intended it to appear!

    August 27, 2012 at 12:47 pm | Report abuse |
  39. jonp

    They should just do away with alimony all together.

    August 27, 2012 at 12:42 pm | Report abuse |
  40. MarriagePloy

    In reality, any wife who refuses sex with her husband is hiding something. That's abuse. Poor guy had to force it and now he's the problem? What's marriage coming to? Why bother anymore? You have to be crazy to marry or have kids in Amerika anymore... you wind up a victim of the corrupt State.

    August 27, 2012 at 12:41 pm | Report abuse |
    • dudley4141

      MarriagePloy, I bet you are either divorced or not married. Just because someone is married it does not mean he has the right to force sex from his wife. It is still considered rape. It does not mean that she is having an affair or hiding something if she does not want to have sex with him.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:56 pm | Report abuse |
    • NoSexthenDivorce

      To hell with it. Seriously. Sex is not the only part of marriage, but it is a part. If the wife doesn't want it any more. Hire a deceive and find out who she is having it with.

      Then divorce the bytch. don't rape her. Prove that she is unfaithful and take her for every penny she has,. What the heck, that's exactly what she will do to you.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:24 pm | Report abuse |
  41. ticklemeelmo

    Having a cheating wife should be an affirmative defence against just about everything. If I had been on the jury, there'd be a statue of the dude...

    August 27, 2012 at 12:40 pm | Report abuse |
    • J.Alexander

      In this country you have a right to an opinion but to be so dumb as to make such comments is unbelievable. Women have suffered under the hands of brutal men and for anyone to say such things is without merit and should be left to caveman.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:00 pm | Report abuse |
  42. Lucretia

    Spousal support: absolutely not!! But, if he has the kids and is taking care of them, she should contribute child support. The story was not clear and did not mention any child support.

    August 27, 2012 at 12:39 pm | Report abuse |
  43. Coflyboy

    The fact that the American justice system is corrupt is hardly news. So is our healthcare system, our financial system, our government system, etc. etc. etc.
    Thats the "American way" and that "just how it is"...makes it perfectly OK, though.

    August 27, 2012 at 12:39 pm | Report abuse |
  44. Abused!

    I lost custody of my kids and I (a woman) had to pay child support ..... NOT Alimony. I ended out relationship because of the abuse but he deserved nothing!

    August 27, 2012 at 12:38 pm | Report abuse |
    • MarriagePloy

      Abused – then put down the crack pipe... and stop complaining... only drug addict women lose their kids in this corrupt famly court system... ALL MEN lose their kids period... in exchange for all their money too...

      August 27, 2012 at 12:43 pm | Report abuse |
    • Randy

      Yeah the only thing bad about that is that you don't know if it is going to the kids or for his personal use. I paid 3000 per month "child support" and the kids saw very little of it or their mother as she used it to go on vacations by herself.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:44 pm | Report abuse |
  45. Robear in Ojai

    Yes, I do wonder how this new law would apply to a situation with reversed roles. Some stay-at-home wives are abusive to their bread-earning husbands, sometimes criminally so. on the other hand, this law could destroy the concept of "no-fault" divorce, where spouses wanting out (and not wanting to pay alimony) will fabricate abuse allegations to get out of dodge.

    August 27, 2012 at 12:38 pm | Report abuse |
  46. D

    Only in America, the American people are so damn dumb, it's funny sometimes, and to think other people around the world think America is a civilizied country.

    August 27, 2012 at 12:32 pm | Report abuse |
    • Rose

      Really D!!!! I'm amazed how many of you always out reach to America for when you need help. We all know there are dumb things that are being done, but this is why we take steps to prevent it happening again. The words out of your mouth is dumb...This women spoke and she got resualts Mornon.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:41 pm | Report abuse |
      • John

        @Rose. Learn how to spell, punctuate, and capitalize. You only made D's point, dear.

        August 28, 2012 at 10:01 am | Report abuse |
    • JC-VA

      Why all the hate towards America?, I guarantee you if you ever had a chance to come here you'd never leave... This is the best place to be, if you don't think it is, then why there are so many people immigrating to US..?

      August 27, 2012 at 2:03 pm | Report abuse |
      • Cell

        Well it seems that the South Americans immigrated to EU..and hell I'm FROM America and I still left it. Its not the best place to be and is headed down the tubes.

        August 27, 2012 at 3:34 pm | Report abuse |
    • Cell

      Exactly...which is why they still push these asinine laws which ultimately just pander to the modern Feminist whims no matter how sexist.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:32 pm | Report abuse |
  47. Bobby

    To deadlyserious...You are right.....you cannot force your spouse to make love....but denying your husband? ... that IS A VIOLATION OF YOUR COMMITMENT AT MARRIAGE...I am tired of married women DENYING THEIR HUSBANDS AND THINKING THAT IS OK!!!!!! because it isn't....If it is then it is OK for husbands to sleep with other women WITH NO COMPLAINTS FROM THEIR ANDROGENOUSE WIVES.....so typical..... women HAVE NO UNDERSTANDING OF MEN!!!! It is disgusting.....and you can't have it both ways....its wrong...dead wrong

    August 27, 2012 at 12:30 pm | Report abuse |
    • Me

      One word: idiot.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:38 pm | Report abuse |
    • Thinks2010

      @Bobby–Women are not recreational vehicles or on-demand entertainment for men even if they are married to them. Even though I think your view is idiotic, I would hope that since you believe it you at least believe it goes both ways such that men should not deny their wives, but I wouldn't be surprised if you don't since people who believe as you do tend to treat women as chattel.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:43 pm | Report abuse |
      • JMParrish

        dont use big words like chattel, these people have no idea what that means! And they sure not gonna look in the dictionary!

        August 27, 2012 at 12:48 pm | Report abuse |
    • Aaron

      Bobby, you are a horrible and disgusting person. Saying you can't force your spouse into sex? Rape is rape, you sick individual. Your attitude is the glaring example of what is wrong with society. No one ever owes sex to someone. Not if you buy them dinner, not if you buy them diamonds, not ever. You are probably the kind who would go on dates and expect something in return. Well here's a news flash, no woman ever owes you anything. If your spouse doesn't want to have sex with you, that's their decision and you have to respect it. Maybe it's grounds for divorce, but it is never a reason to force yourself on them. You make me disgusted.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:43 pm | Report abuse |
    • Rose

      ARE YOU SERIOUS, really, i'm appauled at your comments. If the marriage is going down hill, why would you want to have SEX with someone that abuses you...WOULD YOU. How dare you speak of women that way. You are a very mean and hatful humaning and you do not deserve a bad women let alone a good one...Another moron speaks, this is what should be out lawed.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:45 pm | Report abuse |
      • John

        @Rose – again. Please learn to spell.

        August 28, 2012 at 10:14 am | Report abuse |
    • TM

      Bobby – you are SICK. Were you the judge in this case? Because he is just as sick as you are!

      August 27, 2012 at 12:54 pm | Report abuse |
    • heffalump

      Did it ever occur to you, Bobby and those of you decrying a wife's refusal to have sex with her husband, think you are God's gift as a lover? Ever hear the term, "Wham bam thank you ma'am?" I would bet my paycheck you guys would fit that bill. Guys like you are why our daughter WILL, if she ever marries, sign a pre-nup. No man will ever get what she's entitled to if the marriage goes awry or she refuses to be a "toy" for her husband. I fear guys like you preying on young women with means and an inheritance.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:25 pm | Report abuse |
    • hexxuss

      Bobby – denying the husband is against what commitment exactly? Here's a bit of fact for you – no means no – married or not. It's HER right to say no. Not everyone has archaic wedding ceremonies either – I know that NO WHERE in mine did it say "I will give him head whenever he demands it" – read it again – "forced ORAL copulation" – meaning he forced that on her. Did 1/2 you people even read the whole article, or just jump to conclusions?! She doesn't have to pay alimony to the man who abused her. Nor should she have to. He's lucky she wasn't stronger or she could've killed him in self-defense.

      August 27, 2012 at 1:36 pm | Report abuse |
    • Victory Gin

      Bobby...put down the crack pipe...back away from the crack pipe...cause buddy, you are WHACK!

      August 27, 2012 at 1:41 pm | Report abuse |
    • PC

      Did you really say it’s a violation of commitment?? What commitment are you talking about? Is there some law out there in the US that compels women to have sex with their husbands whenever the husband wants it? When I got married, I don’t remember making such a commitment. Is it the traditional “love, honor and obey” line you’re talking about? Because I definitely didn’t commit to that!!!

      August 28, 2012 at 3:36 pm | Report abuse |
  48. Nik

    Where does it say the judge, victim or abuser is liberal or conservative. You are just a moron who types without thinking. On the other hand, you are the commie monkey. Why don't you post your real name and info so you can get locked up and the keys thrown away. Imbecile. Blame others for no reason.

    August 27, 2012 at 12:29 pm | Report abuse |
  49. Derek

    I think it is funny all the outrage towards the judge. In case everyone forgot what their job is let me refresh it for you. Their job is to uphold the law in unbiased manner. Yes there is allowed to be interpretation of laws on their part;however, if their interpretation has no legal standing it will just be appealed and cause everyone to spend more money and jepordize their future career goals. Believe it or not is bad when your judgement gets appealed based on no legal standing. So basically what happened is the correct thing. He followed the law the law was broken and dun dun dunnnn new legislation came out to attempt to fix the broken law. It is crazy how if you learned anything in your entire education which apparently many of you have not this is exactly how the american form of government is supposed to work. Judges do not make laws they enforce and interpret them. Until now there was nothing in California law that would have allowed him to interpret the law in the way you all seem to think he could. Frankly I agree with the law I think it could be put together a little better but it is a good start and i'm sure sometime down the road additions or amendments to it will be made.

    August 27, 2012 at 12:28 pm | Report abuse |
    • Bobby

      well said

      August 27, 2012 at 12:37 pm | Report abuse |
    • Klingon

      well said Derek

      August 27, 2012 at 12:38 pm | Report abuse |
    • T. E. Lawrence O. A.

      You are obviously NOT A LAWYER and know little about The Law. Opinions based on ignorance are a dime a dozen and often wrong, wrong, wrong – like your comment.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:39 pm | Report abuse |
    • T. E. Lawrence O. A.

      DEREK – You are completely WRONG with your half-baked opinion of the law. You are clearly NO LAWYER, nor have any understanding of the law or of the stress in Family Court on "EQUITY" far and above your type of silly analysis that brings silly results. Don't embarrass yourself – do some research and don't talk about The Law as if you know what you are talking about; your ignorance shines through!

      ALL THESE MEN thinking – once again! – that THEY KNOW BEST.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:46 pm | Report abuse |
      • gvgncbn

        We do, otherwise you wouldn't have to angrily scream in caps lock while chomping down on Cheetos flavored bon bons.

        August 27, 2012 at 12:58 pm | Report abuse |
      • Derek

        TE Lawrence basically you said nothing of any value in response you say I am wrong yet give no facts to back up your claim. I made no claims about the "law" merely stated what a job of a judge is. Clearly you are one of those people as i said in my comment that learned nothing in their entire schooling.

        August 27, 2012 at 2:17 pm | Report abuse |
      • Anonymous

        You obviously are not an Attorney either. What you are in reality is a Men bashing hypocrite of a troll who spews nothing but hateful vomit towards anyone (especially men) that disagrees with you. It's too bad our Bill of rights allows you to do so.Oh well. BTW, if you don't like what I've just said:So bloody what !!!

        August 28, 2012 at 10:39 am | Report abuse |
        • Anonymous

          My previous comment was directed towards TE Lawrence OA

          August 28, 2012 at 10:42 am | Report abuse |
  50. s

    Agreed she is a woman who was assaulted which is bad so that's why she is getting the divorce.But the reason she is paying for the alimony inspite of the fact that her husband was the same person who abused her, was because HE IS A DAD (WHO NEVER HURT HIS CHILDREN) AND TOOK CARE OF THEM (STAY AT HOME DAD). The point is, that worthless guy does not deserve love from his wife ,definitely not respect but definitely deserves something for his care towards his kids. Thats why i am not a very big supporter of stay at home parenting,because one person WHO WAS ALWAYS WORKING LIKE CRAZY suddenly stops working and ONCE HE/SHE WAS A BREAD WINNER AND NOW THEY ARE NOT. NOPE NOPE NOPE. This is not good. Ofcourse THIS IS OK IF IT IS VOLUNTARY BY ONE OF THE SPOUSE BUT NOT BY TAKING TURNS(YOU DO THAT AND I DO THIS). Bottom line i still think the husband should get alimony but then this would not be completely ok since the wife is hurt and divorcing does not help not even close. So WIFE GO SUE THE HUSBAND FOR EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL DISTRESS but leave the alimony out because your husband deserves it though he is a really bad person. IF THERE WAS LAW IN CA for the above then it would totally be a BIG WASTE.

    August 27, 2012 at 12:28 pm | Report abuse |
    • missed the point

      Tl "S"

      And raping your wife should play no part in calculating alimony? Your not very intelligent.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:32 pm | Report abuse |
      • highprolawyer

        It shouldn't have anything to do with alimony. Unless she can prove that she was abused during the entire length of there marriage. America Sucks big balls.

        August 27, 2012 at 1:00 pm | Report abuse |
        • T. E. Lawrence O. A.

          HIPROLAWYER – 'Fake Lawyers' like you often make such ridiculous arguments and this is no different, except it also has the 'Rapist' perspective that has zero logical connection to the real world or how The Law and especially Equity (always stressed in Family Court, as you would know if you were actually any kind of lawyer).

          Your comment should embarrass you, but ignorance of being ignorant seems like the bliss of not knowing how completely wrong you really are...

          August 27, 2012 at 1:36 pm | Report abuse |
    • Silent Dogooder

      S- if you are a man quitting his job to take care of the kids while his wife works and find that you now have less work than before, you are not doing it right. When I was in this situation, I found that I was twice as busy with more work than ever when I came home to take care of the kids with Mom at work. It's a full time job that requires organization, stamina and a great love for the family you serve.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:41 pm | Report abuse |
    • Rose

      @S...Support for the children, not him...If he abused her, then the children should be taken away from him. He deserves nothing for being a horrible person.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:48 pm | Report abuse |
  51. SB

    I am a single man at the age of 41. I was married once, and have a 7 year old son and a great relationship with my ex. In fact we made no court arrangements for alimony etc. I just voluntarily help support them more than required by law, and she sometimes argues that they need less.

    After that, I have had a number of wonderful relationships except one. I was in love with a girl and thought of marrying her. She turned out to be crazy after about 10 months we were together (some random things "brought it out"). She started verbally abusing me, threatening suicide, and finally physically abusing me. At the end the police took her out of my place.

    Now I always tell women I date that I will never again be married, and that I am opposed to long term exclusive relationships too. I have great relationships, some of them very long, and I am considering having a kid again with a woman if I consider it would be a good co-parenting situation. (I've been asked a couple of times to have another kid.)

    So here is my conclusion: why marry and put the courts in your bedroom and your home? If you love someone, great, keep them and have a(n exclusive) relationship and have kids without marriage. Save the money from the wedding and keep the relationship based on love and trust as opposed to law. It's not an excuse to say that everyone does it so you should do it. It's also not an excuse to say that the woman wants it (if you are a man, in a typical situation). If she loves you she will stay with you for you and not for the legal arrangement. Marriage is a mostly broken institution. It works for some, but the default should be "why marry?"

    August 27, 2012 at 12:27 pm | Report abuse |
    • keri

      SB,
      I completely agree. I'm a 44 year old woman who was married once (and it did not turn out well at all) but for the last 15 years have been in a relationship with a wonderful, incredible man. All of my friends ask me why we are not married as well as some of my family. My response is always the same. I do not need a piece of paper to validate my relationship. I know what it is, he knows what it is. It's a relationship based on mutual love, respect and having a fellow traveler to walk through this life with. I wouldn't change a thing. Good for you for living life your way and good for the women in your life who get it.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:48 pm | Report abuse |
      • Jeff

        I hope you or your partner never become ill because hospitals CAN bar you from seeing your partner. I hope all of our wishes are on paper in terms of inheritance, though your family could sweep in a contest your will.

        August 27, 2012 at 2:25 pm | Report abuse |
    • JMParrish

      absolutely!! Marriage is sooo yesterday. It holds no advantage for me or my partner. I dont wanna get mixed up in his finances and property and I sure as hell dont want him mixed up in mine!

      August 27, 2012 at 12:51 pm | Report abuse |
    • Jeff

      Please have a vasectomy.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:25 pm | Report abuse |
    • homeschool23

      PLEASE, DO NOT PROCREATE. DO NOT HAVE A CHILD. GET A DOG. They don't require the commitment a child does and you are not able to give.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:08 pm | Report abuse |
    • Jesse

      SB, Kerri lol you sound perfect for each other. You two due to your situations have evolved to live a normal life. You have adapted to avoid trouble in the future and it works for you.

      I have been married 13 months now to the most amazing woman ever. I married her to show that things are so intertwined that I am committed we are 32 and 29 now and looking at kids next year (hopefully they turn out like her lol). However merging our whole lives into one another one bank account etc. is a freaky level of trust for us. 100% transparency. I will never marry again. If she passed away, or we divorced for some unforseen reason (which I doubt, we work to well together). However I made that special decision with her and that will aways be hers unshared with anyone else. Now If we are in are 80's and she goes first, I may play the field lol as I told her to which she says she will haunt them lol.

      seriously though you two have evolved beyond marriage. You stepped up beyond the law and deserve to be recognized for that.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:59 pm | Report abuse |
  52. Ben

    Hopefully this applies to men as well. A great many men are paying absurd amounts of child support, often as much as 5/6ths of their income, for leaving a verbally, emotionally, and/or physically abusive wife. Sometimes to them, sometimes to their children.
    So long as this isn't yet another part of divorce/child support proceedings that overwhelmingly favors women, this will be great for many men.

    August 27, 2012 at 12:26 pm | Report abuse |
    • leonhl

      Child support is for the children who should be supported no matter what has taken place between their parents. Alimony is a different story-it is to support the ex-spouse. Sorry, dude-men should and will continue to pay child support even to abusive ex-wives and they need to quit complaining about having to support the children they made.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:37 pm | Report abuse |
      • Clyde M

        If the person is convicted for the abuse, they shouldn't have the kids anyway, and thus need no child support.

        August 27, 2012 at 12:59 pm | Report abuse |
        • Amy

          Alimony is not child support. Alimony is money paid to the ex to support them (not children).

          August 27, 2012 at 2:09 pm | Report abuse |
  53. scribe107

    The judicial system has become a perverted joke. Get raped /beaten by your spouse and then , have to pay alimony? Any judge who makes a finding like that needs to be removed from the bench and banned from practicing law. They may as well go to the middle east or India, where their thought process fits in. I wonder what their wives think? Probably don't think, just enjoy the money/status . Morons!

    August 27, 2012 at 12:24 pm | Report abuse |
  54. yeahItsMe72

    I'm not totally in love with all of Obama's plans. But I'm considering voting for him just so I don't have to align myself with the ignorance you espouse. Religious nut jobs have ruined the Republican party.

    August 27, 2012 at 12:24 pm | Report abuse |
  55. Razor

    What a thoughtless, baseless and ignorant comment. Read the case history regarding the husband's increasing escalated violent attacks toward the wife. Or better yet, just visit any court-ordered "therapy" session for wife beaters, any victim shelter or emergency room and take a look at the injuries inflicted on a woman because she just wouldnt get it through her thick head how much he loved her.

    August 27, 2012 at 12:22 pm | Report abuse |
  56. Steve D

    Waht the story doesn't tell you and is very likely true is that without the new law the Judge may have been prevented from taking the abuse into account when making the alimony judgment. The law very likely lays out what can be considered, and by language may exclude everything else. Judges are forced to enter sentences and awards all the time that they deeply regret but have little choice. For all we know the judge in this case is thrilled with the new law and happy to use it to fix the situation.

    August 27, 2012 at 12:21 pm | Report abuse |
    • TheSystemsSchematic

      Steve D – Nonsense. Since when do family court judges follow ANY rule of law? MOST legislate from the bench , and worse, via their incompetent and politcally-corrupt "judicial assistant". G_D... if I had a dime every time a corrupt judge ignored RCP, statutes, legal doctrine, and facts I'd have my kid today – safe in my care and company... instead my kid's emotionally demaged by these criminal sociopaths... child predator absuers who demand you refer to them as "your honor". It's a disgrace. Stop defending them. There's no more excuses.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:31 pm | Report abuse |
  57. Me

    If your husband or wife is forcing you to have sex against your will, it is rape. Getting married does not give you the right to force yourself sexually on your partner. People who think otherwise are sick in the head. Plain and simple.

    August 27, 2012 at 12:19 pm | Report abuse |
    • TheSystemsSchematic

      Me – IF your spouse cuts you off and has affairs ... that's ABUSE. OWN IT. Stop your B.S. IF you're married expect to HAVE SEX... that's why you got married.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:23 pm | Report abuse |
      • Ali

        I can't believe what I am reading. I would like to respect everyone's opinions, but sex is also an emotional act and no one should be expected to have sex with someone that is abusive or just based on the fact that the other person is their spouse. I got married for a lot of reasons (my husband respects and loves me...he's an amazing person etc, etc), not just to have sex. While I respect the fact that sex IS a part of marriage, it is not obligatory and nor should it just be endured by one person because the other has "needs". Yikes....

        August 27, 2012 at 12:33 pm | Report abuse |
        • R

          TheSystemsSchematic: Pro rape? Guess so.

          August 27, 2012 at 12:46 pm | Report abuse |
        • Howie

          While I wouldn't put it in the same hateful terms the systems guy uses, he does have a point. Husbands do MANY things they may consider odious because they have concern for their wives 'needs'. When a man gets married he expects that his wife will have concern for his needs. One of those needs is regular $ex. If you don't want to have $ex, end the marriage. Otherwise, do what he wants in bed and do not complain. Certainly never cry rape, because that demeans the experience of every victim of an actual rape. When you said 'I DO', you gave up the right to claim you were raped by that man until such time as there is a divorce. And yes, it goes both ways, no husband has the right to refuse his wife either. This is not the same as physical abuse, that is never ok.

          August 27, 2012 at 1:01 pm | Report abuse |
      • Victory Gin

        Ali, you're being to nice... This dude is just a horrible, douchey excuse for a human being. Selfish A s s hat might even fit the bill too...

        August 27, 2012 at 1:52 pm | Report abuse |
  58. Prometheus

    Why is it NOBLE and justified for a woman to be revered for her struggle against her Ex irregardless of the circumstances involved....and yet:

    I was in the Army and went to college FULL TIME to try to make a better life for my family. Later on I learned that my WIFE was taking 'Booty Calls" and thereafter she divorced me, and told me that she would tell our kids that I was a child molester and she had witnessed it if I didn't GO AWAY....AND LEAVE both her and her new HUBBY alone (I tried to be an active and conscientious parent and apparently that was a big 'No-No' .

    I feel very BADLY for any abuse anyone in a relationship is given...

    But PLEASE...do not forget the unknown soldier....the GOOD Father, who is trying his BEST to parent his children.

    /Rant-Off

    August 27, 2012 at 12:19 pm | Report abuse |
    • Ali

      Agreed, I think that women can be abusive as well and I wish the courts took notice of that fact.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:36 pm | Report abuse |
  59. Captain Obvious

    There is something wrong with you. You should seek some mental health help.

    August 27, 2012 at 12:18 pm | Report abuse |
    • TheSystemsSchematic

      Captain Obvious – I think he's making real sense and you're a troll... or worse... a dishonest lawyer who games a broken family court system for money as you abuse children. Crawl back into your muddy hole.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:20 pm | Report abuse |
  60. dakota2000

    A divorce court doing the right thing? This is an historic moment in civilization! Mark this date on your calendars people.

    August 27, 2012 at 12:16 pm | Report abuse |
    • TheSystemsSchematic

      Dakota – It's a matter of perspective. You have to put yourself into the criminal sociopath's context – the lawyer and bubble up corrupt judges – they're doing it with the best inteerst of THEIR kid. Right? To them, they're ethical. In reality, they're immoral sociopaths who are harming innocent kids. It's America's dirty little secret. Protected as long as we permit lawyers to hold all three branches of gov. hostage – a serious conflict of interest.

      DEMAND REFORMATION – DEMAND LAWYERS CANNOT HOLD EXECUTIVE AND LEGISLATIVE SEATS. IT'S A CONFLICT OF INTEREST.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:34 pm | Report abuse |
  61. r schier

    Keep your so-called "bible" to yourself. It's nothing to do with me....and it shouldn't be anything to do with the law....

    August 27, 2012 at 12:16 pm | Report abuse |
  62. MoreBedroomCameras

    El jefe – Eactly. She loved it. Then used it for money and sympathy. Poor BJ victim... lol

    August 27, 2012 at 12:15 pm | Report abuse |
  63. Incredulous

    This is a parody of a GOP voter, right? I mean, you couldn't be serious!

    August 27, 2012 at 12:14 pm | Report abuse |
    • Incredulous

      My post was a reply to the comment by "Romney2012." I think it was deleted while I was responding.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:16 pm | Report abuse |
  64. tinykhan

    What a HUGE loophole this will cause. Any PERSON who feels wronged about paying alimony to their spouse now only has to claim abuse (and we all know, as men, you need only CLAIM it, so it must be true) to get out of paying alimony. Very ill advised law that is not thought out properly.

    Alimony should be thrown out as antiquated. I fully support child support payments, as a divorced man I pay mine with no hesitation, but alimony, no way. My friend has to pay alimony FOR LIFE over a 10 year marriage...where is the justice in that? Such a crock.

    August 27, 2012 at 12:14 pm | Report abuse |
    • Rob

      I agree it does create a loophole. Even worse because of the loophole it will create a situation where if the abused spouse is also the low wage owner they will now be reluctant to seek divorce since the higher wage earner will likely also claim abuse and get out of alimony.

      In any event the entire formula for alimony is too simplistic and unfair. It needs to be update. It was created in a time when the universal assumption was that the woman stayed at home, had minimal education, never worked, took care of kids and consequently would never be able to get a job.

      A new formula must be devised that takes into account education level, past job experience and incomes, age and perhaps length of marriage.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:34 pm | Report abuse |
  65. Howie

    Lots of issues here. She should not be forced to support her abuser. Physical abuse and violence are NEVER ok. HOWEVER, it is not possible to 'rape' your spouse. The whole point of the marriage is the $ex, once married you have an obligation to satisfy your spouse (regardless of gender). The very idea of marital rape is insane.

    August 27, 2012 at 12:14 pm | Report abuse |
    • dakota2000

      A woman or man can refuse to have sex with their spouse. Each individual owns their own body. If the only way you can have sex with your spouse is at gun point, it not called marriage. Its called kidnapping.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:19 pm | Report abuse |
    • ronnie

      you're a few decades out of the loop

      August 27, 2012 at 12:24 pm | Report abuse |
    • A. Baker

      That has got to be the biggest load of horse crap I think I've ever read.

      Marital status has absolutely nothing to do w/ whether its possible to be raped or not.

      Forcible sex is rape, regardless of whether your married, dating, or a stranger. If a person says no (and we all know that No Means No), then its rape, period, end of discussion.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:24 pm | Report abuse |
    • Ali

      Yikes...I think you will be pressed to find anyone to agree with you. No one is ever, I MEAN EVER, obligated to have sex with someone else. If you force someone to have sex against their will, that is just flat out abusive and is rape...hands down. I am really appalled that you think this.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:25 pm | Report abuse |
    • Mindy

      I can't even express to you the amount of anger I had after reading your post! Rape can and does happen in a marriage. Just because you are married...you DO NOT have the right to force sex on an unwilling partner...EVER!

      August 27, 2012 at 12:25 pm | Report abuse |
    • Lucy

      So if a woman doesn't want to have sex one day, the man is legally allowed to hold her down and force her? I'm not saying she should never have sex with him, but rape is sex by FORCE, and no that isn't ok in any sense. If she isn't "putting out", leave her. Rape is not ok.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:25 pm | Report abuse |
    • Coflyboy

      Dude, you need to take your antiquated ideas back to Afghanistan.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:28 pm | Report abuse |
    • lockandkey

      Are you crazy???????????? No means No. It does not matter if he is your husband or not. I feel sorry for whoever you married.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:33 pm | Report abuse |
    • Ellen

      Well, the laws say otherwise here in America and Canada. What part of the middle ages, er I mean east are you from? The whole point of marriage is sex? I pity your wife, if you managed to marry at all with that attitude.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:35 pm | Report abuse |
    • Biggirlpants

      So if spouse comes home drunk and covered in his own vomit, and wants it does the wife have to comply? Better yet if I want to use a strap-on on my husband does he have to comply? If I drug him, tie him up and do is that O.K.? If he drugs me, ties me up is that O.K.? According to you all of this is O.K. because we are married and it the spouses duty to do whatever the other person wants.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:37 pm | Report abuse |
    • Jerry

      You may have married just for the sex, but rest assured NOT everyone is as shallow as you seem to be... I married my late wife because I fell in love with her, not just for sex... I hope you're not married, because if you are it's gonna be a short one...

      August 27, 2012 at 4:23 pm | Report abuse |
    • PC

      The whole point of marriage is not the sex! Are you kidding?? I thought the whole point of marriage was to join together with someone you love, and to create a family and go through life growing that love and sharing it with your children? Did you miss out on all of that, because if you did i feel sorry for you. The sex part is the LEAST important. Seems sad to me that you have been robbed of this.

      August 28, 2012 at 3:57 pm | Report abuse |
  66. El Jefe

    Wow, calm down your creepy excitement and maybe you can spell a little bit! Anyhow, I, like many of my friends, have one wife, and never have to resort to rape. If your comment is indicitive of how you think sexual relationships work, please finish yourself off (and by that I mean suicide), before you end up raping someone.

    August 27, 2012 at 12:11 pm | Report abuse |
  67. WasabiPotPie

    Really, they let people marry donkeys in Russia. New one on me. I had not heard that one before. Care to back that up with some facts?

    August 27, 2012 at 12:11 pm | Report abuse |
  68. GW

    Until society and the legal system recognize verbal assaults by women as abuse, this is a totally crappy law. Physical assaults by women are also way underreported and slow to be recognized in the judicial system.

    August 27, 2012 at 12:06 pm | Report abuse |
    • Fight for Men's Rights

      Feminazis

      August 27, 2012 at 12:13 pm | Report abuse |
  69. Whatever

    The same Bible says we are ALL created equally before God and we should love one another… But I guess like every good Christian-Republican you only get the parts that interest you. It is called the self-serve gospel. How sad 😦

    August 27, 2012 at 12:05 pm | Report abuse |
  70. DJ Reality

    You have to be kidding me! A husband beats his wife and rapes her and that's okay with you. Then she has to pay him alimony and pay his legal fees too. What kind of nut are you? She first and foremost is a human being and she was violated. That is adding insult to injury. She was violated. My God would think that is wrong.

    August 27, 2012 at 12:05 pm | Report abuse |
  71. realtalker

    The problem is not the law or in the case the lack thereof. It's a moron judge. What does he need alimony for in prison first of all and secondly, was it even brought to the judges attention in the alimony case that her husband raped her? If so, why is he still on the bench.

    August 27, 2012 at 12:05 pm | Report abuse |
  72. SHlTT ROBME 2012

    Heck... just rob me... why do we need courts to do this? Now, men are threatened with sexually assaulting their wives! This is nuts!

    August 27, 2012 at 12:04 pm | Report abuse |
  73. Laura

    Your comment alone will sway voters to not vote for Romney. If someone as sick as you are is choosing that president, I certainly don't want to align with those ignorant, completely invalid comments. I'll be voting for Obama now. Thanks for helping me with my decision.

    August 27, 2012 at 12:03 pm | Report abuse |
  74. R C. Kellner

    And for those of us who value our religious freedom and do not happen to subscribe to your views? You know, those of us not arguing the asinine position that spousal rape isn't rape.

    Also, as side notes:
    1) Racist name-calling doesn't win anything... and G.W. Bush looks more like a monkey than Obama, by far. Just google "Bush or Monkey" and you'll see.
    2) No Russians I ever met were married to donkeys or mentioned equine-related relatives or friends.
    3) Ever wonder why the media is generally liberal? Contemplate it some time. There's plenty of reasons why conservatives should have media favoring them... it's not like the resources aren't there. It's not like the media isn't a useful tool for business... so why is the media predominantly liberal and not even close to evenly mixed?

    August 27, 2012 at 12:02 pm | Report abuse |
  75. Loopman

    Screw you and the bible you rode in on!!! No wonder you conservatives want a constitutional amendment to ban same sex marriage. You evidently can't convince a woman to stay with you without scaring the BeJesus out of her with hellfire and damnation brought on by quotes from the Bible. Narrow minded moron.

    August 27, 2012 at 12:02 pm | Report abuse |
  76. LarryB

    And this, folks, is the kind of junk you constantly hear from these Romney knuckle-draggers. Incapable of arguing intelligently, they resort to simple name-calling, which is always "liberal this, liberal that."

    August 27, 2012 at 12:02 pm | Report abuse |
  77. Maryellen

    Believe it or not, but this nation wasn't founded on the bible's principles. Separation of church and state, my friend. Also, I feel sorry for the poor woman that got conned into marrying you. And if you are a woman, you are a disgrace to our sex.

    August 27, 2012 at 12:01 pm | Report abuse |
    • GangnamsStylz

      And you sound like a gold digging sniveling tramp. Poor woman? If you want to see the reality go to Afghanistan, you would have been a trash can baby. Gold digger fake ass woman!

      August 27, 2012 at 12:14 pm | Report abuse |
  78. MarylandBill

    If you are going to pretend to be a Republican/Conservative, you should at least learn to make your post seem realistic. The vast majority of conservatives are just as disgusted with spousal abuse and and spouse rape as the vast majority of liberals are.

    August 27, 2012 at 11:59 am | Report abuse |
  79. Rue

    Troll FAIL

    August 27, 2012 at 11:59 am | Report abuse |
  80. KR2012

    I seriously hope this is a joke. If not, you are what is wrong with this country at this point.

    August 27, 2012 at 11:57 am | Report abuse |
  81. j

    id like some time with that judge in his private chambers for about 5 minutes...

    August 27, 2012 at 11:56 am | Report abuse |
    • Andy

      That judge truly is a stupid idiot. He should be forced to resign, give up its pension and give the victim huge amount of $$ from its ill-gotten gains.

      That is the typical travesty from the court "system".

      Let's name and shame this waste of space - and then castrate the tosser.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:09 pm | Report abuse |
    • R

      My mother made Joan Crawford look like mother of the year. She verbally abused my father, verbally and physically abused my sister and myself. Dad stayed with her all those years because he wanted to protect us girls a much as he could, The verbal abuse continued for years over the phone, yes we hung up on her, coming by the house(there was no restraining orders back then) yet dad had to pay her alimony even though he had custody of us girls. Finally, sick and tired of her rants, we began to record the phone calls. The judge heard less than a minute of one, and dissmissed the alimony.

      I firmly believe that no one should have to pay alimony to someone who is continuosly abusing them.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:24 pm | Report abuse |
    • R

      My mother made Joan Crawford look like mother of the year. She verbally abused my father, verbally and physically abused my sister and myself. Dad stayed with her all those years because he wanted to protect us girls a much as he could, Finally, when we were old enough to choose who we wanted to stay with, he divorced her. The verbal abuse continued for years over the phone, yes we hung up on her, coming by the house(there was no restraining orders back then) yet dad had to pay her alimony even though he had custody of us girls. Finally, sick and tired of her rants, we began to record the phone calls. The judge heard less than a minute of one, and dissmissed the alimony.

      I firmly believe that no one should have to pay alimony to someone who is continuosly abusing them.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:25 pm | Report abuse |
  82. Loopman

    The legal system creates a perpetual loop of injustice for the person so designated to pay the alimony or child support and here's a sample of it. Wife has kid, husband loves kid and supports both for 5-6 years without incident, wife gets tired of loving husband and goes out screwing around with a truck driver, wife ends up throwing husband out of the house after she spent a couple of weeks with truck driver/lover with kid in tow. wife sues husband and gets child support. Husband loses job in meantime so no income, wife cries on the courts sleeve about no child support even though she has remarried a high roller (not the truck driver), new high roller hubby commits suicide because he catches wfie whoring around with someone else, (see the pattern here) high roller hubby leaves large life insurance payout that wife blows through in a matter of a couple of years, wife is broke and alone again so she goes back to cry on courts sleeve once again and has ex-husband thrown in jail because he still doesn't have a job and can't pay child support, Husband has to pay the county for cost of keeping him in jail, husband still doesn't have a job so ex-wife not getting child support so she goes back to court to cry on judge's sleeve and husband ends up where? Back in jail. This is the most convoluted situation I've ever seen. The wife was the cheater yet the husband has to pay her child support for something that she decided to do, not him. And the court just goes right along with the wife because that's business as usual. No consideration for how the husband is supposed to survive while trying to make enough money to keep his child support payments current. This scenario plays out more times than you can even imagine and the husband gets the short end of the stick almost every time. This is truly a travesty of justice.

    August 27, 2012 at 11:55 am | Report abuse |
    • Single working Father of 3

      loopman ... everyword is true and a very abusive system!

      August 27, 2012 at 12:01 pm | Report abuse |
    • MarriageFORMoney

      loopman – it's palpable injustice. A disgrace. The problem: lawyers who are permitted to hold executive, legislative AND execuitive offices of our government – effectively usurping the intended checks and balances against tyranny. Today, lawyers have "written their own ticket" and that includes using your kids to bleed your life's accumulated wealth away, your spirit, your future. This is the #1 problem facing America: Civil Terrorism. Make no mistake. It's terrorism.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:01 pm | Report abuse |
    • Mary

      This not a case where the "husband" had to pay support to the "wife". The FATHER was ordered to provide support to HIS children,

      August 27, 2012 at 12:01 pm | Report abuse |
      • Allioop

        Excuse me but IF the husband and wife were still together he would be rationing money "for the child" anyway so what is the difference. It is both their child and why should she have to pay all the expences.

        August 27, 2012 at 12:55 pm | Report abuse |
    • Walter

      Which begs the question of why anyone would want to get married in the first place. In all honesty, they should make people applying for marriage licenses to take a course that shows all the brutality of the divorce court system.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:04 pm | Report abuse |
      • MoreBedroomCameras

        walter – the American lawyer mafia WILL NOT allow people to be educated about the "backend blood letting"... that cuts into their profits... be careful.. some lawyer may sue you to silence your intelligence... keep talking like that and they'll position you as a potential threat based on baseless hearsay... and get a conviction via the colluding judge...

        Our court system is a fraud in America... a RICO-actionable conspiracy... and the #1 problem facing this country as it actively works to consolidate wealth from 99% to 1%...

        August 27, 2012 at 12:13 pm | Report abuse |
      • reason&logic

        or better still, leave marriage as a religious practices (which is were it started) and remove the government from it. quite honestly I don't see what people do differently in marriage then when they were gf/bf (unless your religion doesn't permet gf/bf) marriage is no guarantee of faithfulness

        August 27, 2012 at 3:06 pm | Report abuse |
    • btdt

      Poor kids. They get squrewed. The adults get to act like big babies, lie through their teeth, cheat, steal, make stuff up, claim hardships, play divorce games with lawyers, waste tons of time and money, and the kids get royally squrewethed.

      Part of changing custody laws to default of 50/50 shared parenting is because it makes each parent have to accept the responsibility of raising the children they brought into this world. The responsibility to have to co-parent and get along for the sake of the kids should be the law. Easier said then done right? Well tough. Its more than the broken marital vows – you brought kids into the world now act right for their best interests.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:07 pm | Report abuse |
    • Carla

      WOW, your wife really screwed you over, didn't she?

      August 27, 2012 at 12:14 pm | Report abuse |
    • Sunnysout

      puh-leeeease

      August 27, 2012 at 12:30 pm | Report abuse |
    • sagi-girl

      Loopman, you do make some excellent points here. As a woman who was living with an abusive man and thank God left my own home, I can't imagine having to write a check out to a monster like that every month, so I agree with the judge's decision. That said...you are completely on point about how there are some women who have behaved miserably in marriages to well-intentioned husbands who, in the aftermath of having their world turned upside down, are mandated to write a check out to her for years afterwards. Both situations need to be revamped. The man too often does get the much shorter end of the stick. I think it's a good law that needs to be in effect on behalf of both genders.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:31 pm | Report abuse |
    • Paul

      Over and over and over it happens...the amount of abuse directed at divorced fathers is worse than any abuse "alleged" by the so-called mothers. The abuse of divorced fathers is hidden, perpetual and mocked by the very people and institutions who should be protecting them. And, the ultimate travesty is that every time a father is abused either physically, financially or psychologically, it is their children that ultimately suffer harm. Our country is slowly building for itself the mechanisms it needs to foster and perpetuate institutionalized child abuse by eliminating fathers from their lives.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:41 pm | Report abuse |
  83. GwynLOC

    I don't think some of you understand what marriage really is. Marriage was not created as one of those "try and decide" gimmicks. It wasn't made for tax breaks. It's not an elevated form of dating. It's not something you do just because it seems fun at the time. It's not something done to enhance social status. It's not something you do when you're bored. Now that we've cleared up some of the things it isn't, let's find out what it truly is, shall we? The whole point of marriage is to have sex. Sex is the core foundation of marriage. Sex is the reason for marriage. The honeymoon christens the beginning of a wonderful sex filled life together. The two are no longer separate, but one flesh and blood. In other words, you are each others personal sex slave for life. There is no more "I need my personal space" in marriage. It is your duty as a husband or wife to be intimate with your spouse. When the sex stops, so does the marriage. When you start claiming your husband/wife "rapes" you, then whether you want to admit it or not, you divorced them in your heart a long time ago.

    August 27, 2012 at 11:50 am | Report abuse |
    • deadlyserious

      Marriage is not a sexual contract. You are not entitled to receive sex from your spouse at any point during the marriage, and that extends to men as well as women.

      If you force anyone to have sex against their will, then you are raping them. It doesn't matter if it's your wife. It doesn't matter if you believe she's obligated to provide you with sex. It's rape, and you're a disgusting excuse for a human being for treating it as some kind of emotional fault on the part of the victim.

      August 27, 2012 at 11:52 am | Report abuse |
      • MarriageFORMoney

        deadly serious – gee. You sound likea great life partner... frigid... prude... and willing to cry rape if someone tries to make love to you... Hopefully you live in a cardboard box under the 101 freeway...

        August 27, 2012 at 11:57 am | Report abuse |
        • deadlyserious

          And yet for some reason, none of my sexual partners have ever spit on me. And I don't have to worry about accusations of rape, because I have no problem getting consent.

          August 27, 2012 at 12:03 pm | Report abuse |
        • Surrounded by frightening morons

          Since when is forcible oral sex, proven on videotape, being "made love to"?

          August 27, 2012 at 12:21 pm | Report abuse |
      • Bobby

        To deadlyserious...You are right.....you cannot force your spouse to make love....but denying your husband that IS A VIOLATION OF YOUR COMMITMENT AT MARRIAGE...I am tirewd of married women DENYING THEIR HUSBANDS AND THINK THAT IS OK!!!!!! because it isn't....If it is then it is OK for husbands to sleep with other women WITH NO COMPLAINTS FROM THEIR ANDROGENOUSE WIVES.....so typical women HAVE NO UNDERSTANDING OF MEN!!!! It is disgusting.....and you can't have it both ways....its wrong...dead wrong

        August 27, 2012 at 12:15 pm | Report abuse |
    • Single working Father of 3

      Hate to tell you GwynLOC .. you can have sex without being married. That makes marriage ONLY about tax breaks since you can have everything you mentioned except tax breaks without it.

      August 27, 2012 at 11:55 am | Report abuse |
      • Bobby

        exactly

        August 27, 2012 at 12:17 pm | Report abuse |
  84. Single working Father of 3

    I'd love to see the California legislature (or any state) spurred into action if this happened to a man. Lady justice isn't blind she's just deaf and dumb. When it comes to family court, the system is sexist and broken. I want to see the system blinded to the gender of both parties ... that's at least a start to getting justice for all.

    August 27, 2012 at 11:49 am | Report abuse |
    • MarriageFORMoney

      Single Working Father of three – The court system is NOT blind... just dishonest. Be concise. Know your enemy. Lawyers are profiting by using your kids as carrots before BOTH spouses. It's America's dirty little secret... and calls for MASSIVE REFORMATION. But, lawyers are occupying all three branches iof government (illegal conflict of interest) and we're fighting this conspiracy.

      August 27, 2012 at 11:56 am | Report abuse |
    • Mike

      Absolutely right.....so now all a wife who potentially owes alimony has to do is say she was abused and the court will typically swallow it hook line and sinker. She'll get out of her obligation and walk away scott free.
      Divorce and alimony laws are so incredibly double standard.....but this is a result of feminist efforts to create a one-sided venue. It's not about equality, it's about advantage.
      Thankfully, the hypocrisy of the situation is becoming more and more evident.

      August 27, 2012 at 11:58 am | Report abuse |
      • Laura

        Uh – she should get our of her obligation – he RAPED her. It's on tape and he was convicted. You ahole.

        August 27, 2012 at 12:07 pm | Report abuse |
      • Chad8000

        Nice post Mike, it does show the double standard in this country.

        August 27, 2012 at 12:08 pm | Report abuse |
  85. btdt

    Here are the answers to fixing the family court system:

    1 eliminate alimony.
    2. default shared parenting. (Because the children were shared before right? A mom and a dad right? What changed?)
    3. make person receiving child support accountable to report where money is being spent on children.

    August 27, 2012 at 11:48 am | Report abuse |
    • Single working Father of 3

      Prevent the judge from knowing the gender of each party. That will go a long way to fairness.

      August 27, 2012 at 11:51 am | Report abuse |
  86. JGN

    Marriageformoney; it's perfectly clear why women spit on you. You must be covered in it a great deal of the time.

    August 27, 2012 at 11:43 am | Report abuse |
    • MarriageFORMoney

      JGN – Actually – I was spit on when I expressed a dislike for the salad she once made... it's abuise... but of course, you'd like to define me "the problem." YOU ARE CLEARLY female, or perhaps more horrible, a lawyer who enriches themselves by gaming divorce proceedings. You're "one of those"... and we all know what we're dealing with when I say that...

      August 27, 2012 at 11:49 am | Report abuse |
  87. Anonymous

    If a judge is ignorant enough to imply, or even consider that an abused woman should pay for her rapist of a husband's alimony, than that judge should no longer be sitting in his/her chair. On what planet should a victim ever have to pay for their abuser?

    August 27, 2012 at 11:41 am | Report abuse |
    • southsideirish

      EXACTLY!

      August 27, 2012 at 11:44 am | Report abuse |
    • frontgate

      This is so obvious, why does this even have to be mentioned. Doesn't anyone even criticize these judges? Why do they seem to be above normal routes of critics?

      August 27, 2012 at 11:51 am | Report abuse |
    • Ashlynne

      To Anonymous: I agree with your sentiment, but unfortunately or fortunately; depending on the circumstances, California is a "Community Property" state and the judge probably was sick to have to do what the judge did by granting the jerk alimony. A judge must stick strictly to the letter of the law. It's not always fair, but it is the law. I'm in joy that this woman was able to get a law passed that stopped this from happening, but don't disrobe a judge who is only doing their job, which is to protect the law. I'm sad for the abused woman, but glad she had the presence of mind and bravery to tape what was happening to her. She is one strong woman! I hope she is getting counseling and I hope her jerk of an ex-husband spends the rest of his life and his next life in Karma.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:24 pm | Report abuse |
  88. Charles W. Skinner

    The law of unintended consequences is going to rise up and bite the divorcees of California squarely on the ass on this one. This is likely the most poorly thought out legislation that I've seen. By doing this, they will create a perfect reason to falsely report spousal abuse by the financially secure party against the financially insecure party in order to avoid spousal support payments.

    It WILL happen.

    August 27, 2012 at 11:39 am | Report abuse |
    • MarriageFORMoney

      Charles Skinner – Correct. More litgation... which, in turn, benefits the dishonest sociopaths who contrived it: lawyers.

      August 27, 2012 at 11:40 am | Report abuse |
    • deadlyserious

      So you're saying that people are going to be able to convince a jury to convict their spouse of felony abuse charges, just so they can get out of alimony?

      Because that's what this law requires.

      August 27, 2012 at 11:42 am | Report abuse |
      • Anonymous

        Of course this will happen ! The greedy bitch lawyers will stack the jury with women who will always side with the woman whether she's a fraud or not.

        August 28, 2012 at 10:59 am | Report abuse |
    • MadJerry

      I agree.

      August 27, 2012 at 11:54 am | Report abuse |
    • mike

      You are absolutely correct. Yes, her case is tragic but this law is not the solution. Both men and women will try and take advantage of this by claiming the other committed or attempted to commit a violent sexual act. Given how easy it is to misconstrue sexual conduct in any given marriage, making such allegations to get out of alimony is doubtless going to increase. One has to be a fool to not believe financial motives are going to lead to this law putting people in jail who shouldn't be there just so the other side can get out of alimony. A better solution is to allow a no fault divorce but at the same time, as in Michigan, use "fault" as a criteria for alimony and property settlement. At least that takes the allegations of bad conduct out of the criminal arena. It won't change human nature and false allegations due to creed but it will save some innocents from prison.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:54 pm | Report abuse |
  89. slyrif

    @Ryan...your protologist called...he found your head...

    August 27, 2012 at 11:39 am | Report abuse |
  90. LDH20

    So this ONE victim had a case of domestic violence so the legislature passed a law about that ONE case.
    How about not awarding $ in ANY case where marriage breaks up due to a spouse at-fault in a criminal matter??

    August 27, 2012 at 11:38 am | Report abuse |
    • Jennifer

      Something needs to be done about that judge. If there is some outrageous law that supports his verdict there surely has to be and equally intelligent brain cell that says it's an outrageously stupid law and it doesn't and will not apply to this case. I'm sure this wasn't his only "bad judgement" verdict. Hopefully other victims will come forward so that he/she can be removed and SOON!

      August 27, 2012 at 11:56 am | Report abuse |
    • Anonymous

      We all know the truth here. If the roles had been reversed this law would have never passed. Only women are allowed this kind of legal protection. To all you FemNazi Trolls out there: Drop dead !

      August 28, 2012 at 11:05 am | Report abuse |
  91. homer234

    I'ma a man married 24+ years and have received domestic abuse (physical and mental) beginning in the first few years, only to progress on and on; I walked out twice, the 3rd time now, I moved into my own apartment since (in 2008); in 2010 I filed for divorce (here in California), only to retract it as if I had gone through with it, she would be getting pretty damn close to half of my work pay, military retirement and VA disability(which the judge said had to be used in computing my income) (I have read in every divorce publication that VA disability pay was untouchable by the court – apparently Calif seems to be exempt somehow)...I have seen counseling over the years, only to be made shamed if I divorced my 'loving' spouse.... you know, the small asian women who hide behind their petiteness and think they can get away with everything. Now I still pay her rent plus give her almost $3K a month, and STILL COMPLAINS.

    August 27, 2012 at 11:38 am | Report abuse |
    • stephen l. walkinshaw

      women are so mean.

      August 27, 2012 at 11:48 am | Report abuse |
    • Tacitus Talks

      That is the problem with these laws. They are enforced for women and ignored for men. One interesting point that women ignore that they should have 100% of the responsibility financial and otherwise for the children they bear if they want to claim 100% of the rights and power.
      1. If a woman wishes to have sex, she is the one that makes the choice – a man may ask, and the women refuses the matter is closed. So sex is entirely decided by the woman.
      2. Matters of reproduction are entirely under control of the woman. She decides.
      3. If sex(conception) and reproduction are at the discretion of the woman, then she "owns it.

      These are relatively revolutionary ideas, but they are totally based on the concept of responsibility and justice. You have the total control of your choices, you have the total control for the consequences.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:01 pm | Report abuse |
  92. Denise

    Judges hate women in divorce courts. They see women as an annoying inconvenience. Divorce court system should make ALL women rethink about marrying any man. There is no guarantee that Prince Charming won't break down and become a nightmare. It's a false illusion that women are making out like bandits. When the public reads about over exposed wealthy celebrity divorce cases where wives get millions they think the average woman gets the same treatment. It's the opposite. Judges make the average woman regret ever having gone through with a divorce..it's a horrible system we have in America.

    August 27, 2012 at 11:37 am | Report abuse |
    • MarriageFORMoney

      Denise – Nonsense. Judges HATE women ONLY because they can't bleed money from them... so they bleed money from the men by threatening their righst to raise their kids. In fact – Judges don't hate. They simply can't feel. They're sociopaths. Bubble-up scvmbag lawyers.

      August 27, 2012 at 11:39 am | Report abuse |
    • Jim

      Stupid comment there Denise.

      Women win what they want in divorce court over 75% of the time.

      This is the victim metality that is destroying our nation (people who think they are victims and have no connection with reality).

      August 27, 2012 at 11:43 am | Report abuse |
    • Tom

      You are right ! most people have no idea how horrible it really is. Most judges make more than the Governor of their state. We need to start posting local judgements in newspapers so that people can see what they really say and do. It is just plain wacky.

      August 27, 2012 at 11:58 am | Report abuse |
    • Tacitus Talks

      Then why is it that women almost always get the upper hand in a divorce? The laws are totally in their favor in every state. Yes they usually end up in poverty after, but that is their doing, not the ex-husbands.

      August 27, 2012 at 12:03 pm | Report abuse |
    • El Jefe

      Denise – is that why it is so difficult for the upstanding, decent fathers of this nation to gain custody of their children from their alcoholic, pill-popping, suicidal ex-wives?

      August 27, 2012 at 12:03 pm | Report abuse |
    • Freedom

      Denise, you are so wrong. The judge gave her everything she asked for. I did not abuse or sleep around on her. she screwed up with her sleeping around and I had to pay for her to play.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:27 pm | Report abuse |
    • Anonymous

      We all know the truth here. If the roles had been reversed this law would have never passed. Only women are allowed this kind of legal protection. To all you FemNazi Trolls out there: Drop dead

      August 28, 2012 at 11:10 am | Report abuse |
  93. btdt

    I'm glad these stories are coming to light – but there should be a counter argument as well.

    I had to pay spousal support to a cheating ex wife. All spousal support does is "appears" to help the spouse get on their feet. It is actually income for them and that affects the child support calculations. So, months later when spousal support/alimony runs out everyone is back in court to recalculate everything. The lawyers are billing hours, calculations are run and child support is adjusted since the other parent's income went down from losing spousal support. Big waste of time and resources. Do it once – calculate child support only.

    August 27, 2012 at 11:35 am | Report abuse |
    • MarriageFORMoney

      lawyers can't get rich quick by doing things efficiently...

      August 27, 2012 at 11:42 am | Report abuse |
  94. JGN

    Obviously (Well obvious to evolved humans) violence is never never excusable. It doesn't matter how annoying she (or he) might have been, or how trapped one of them felt or how rotten to the core the marriage was. However I do feel this law is going to open the vast door of accusation, where lawyers will be urging their clients of either sex to claim sexual abuse in order to avoid alimony payments. Someone earlier in the posting said 'Lawyers would have us never marry, never have kids..." but it's the lawyers who benefit financially from the ill-planned alliances people make so it's not THEM urging us never to marry; it should be our own common sense!! If you must marry and have children, if that is your life directive, then think about getting a binding pre-nuptial agreement which states that your financial status will not be tangled up in the other person's should a separation occur. If you do not, then don't be surprised several years down the line to be facing allegations by your wealthier spouse of sexual abuse. "It's just good business."

    August 27, 2012 at 11:35 am | Report abuse |
    • jimroopecnn

      Hi JGN,
      Great comments. But let's remember that this bill protecting victims from having to pay alimony to their convicted abuser, will require a criminal trial separate from a divorce trial. The same lawyers will probably not be involved and certainly not the same family court judge. Spousal sexual abuse is hard to prosecute, as Crystal Harris said in the story. It is also hard to prove. So this is something that will help true victims.

      August 27, 2012 at 11:41 am | Report abuse |
    • AsrchieDeBunker

      "Evolved humans" . Stupid term.

      August 27, 2012 at 11:43 am | Report abuse |
    • MarriageFORMoney

      JGN – Correct. Family court auctions off rights to highest bidder. Highest bidders are the wealthier litigant – the ex-wife, who has beld the poor victimized husband of all his life accumulated wealth, and present income. Then, add a dishonest lawyer (MOST ARE DISHONEST) and the broke husband will be accused of "all kinds of threats and potentially dangerous conduct" as the final blow to sever his relationship with his precious kids... AND EVERY JUDGE, LAWYER, AND LEGISLATOR KNOWS THIS... they're in on it... all lawyers... hence the need to outlaw lawyers from holding excutive and legislative offices – A TOTAL CONFLICT OF INTEREST... This is the #1 issue facing America.

      August 27, 2012 at 11:46 am | Report abuse |
    • Anonymous

      To JGN,we all know the truth here. If the roles had been reversed this law would have never passed. Only women are allowed this kind of legal protection. To all you FemNazi Trolls out there: Drop dead

      August 28, 2012 at 11:13 am | Report abuse |
  95. lindalockwood

    Governor of California! Please do not sign. Here is what is going to happen. Men will start to say that their wives are abusers to get out of paying alimony.

    August 27, 2012 at 11:31 am | Report abuse |
    • deadlyserious

      If only the law specified that the spouse had to be convicted of felony abuse... oh, hang on.

      Reading is fun!

      August 27, 2012 at 11:33 am | Report abuse |
    • Baxtor

      I totally agree. I know personally of a situation where the mother was an abuser and had substance abuse issues. The father was a victim, but was the only employed one in the house. It's tempting to want to get revenge on an abuser, but it doesn't help anyone to take a person who already has problems with violence and substance abuse, plus no job record and throw them out on the street.

      August 27, 2012 at 11:41 am | Report abuse |
      • deadlyserious

        Enabling a drug user with alimony payments is far worse for them than throwing them on the streets. When they lose their support system, they'll get into rehab much quicker.

        August 27, 2012 at 11:45 am | Report abuse |
    • Marie

      They actually have to be convicted moron. Not anyone can cry wolf. This woman had it taped...Proof. There has to be some established history I imagine...police record, hospital visits, or in this case a taping of the abuse...I understand many people are abused and some never show the signs because they hide them well...That's their CHOICE...

      August 27, 2012 at 11:43 am | Report abuse |
  96. Zebula

    Ooops, it says "was" a stay at home dad raising the kids....I read it as "is" as in he had them now. No, she should not pay him one red cent!

    August 27, 2012 at 11:30 am | Report abuse |
  97. Judith

    I often wonder who in the USA is so stupid as to vote for the GOP/Tea Bags, well after reading many of the comments here I understand how GOP/Tea Bags get elected.

    This man is a convicted sex offender and nobody should have to pay to support him, not his ex-wife or the tax payer.

    August 27, 2012 at 11:29 am | Report abuse |
    • palintwit

      Judith... teabaggers prefer to boink their cousins, not their wives.

      August 27, 2012 at 11:34 am | Report abuse |
    • Jim

      Who would be stupid enough to vote for the Democrats?

      Democrats refuse to pass tort reform in order to stop thes types of cases to begin with.

      All these types of cases are brought forth by trial lawyers who we all know are Democrats (like John Edwards was).

      It is the Democrats that refuse to take action without a crisis.

      August 27, 2012 at 11:35 am | Report abuse |
    • Bob

      I was wondering how long it would take for someone to stoop to such a low level that they would try to make this political. Thanks for once again reminding me that people really can sink that low.

      August 27, 2012 at 11:39 am | Report abuse |
    • Anonymous

      I would never vote you in for any office because you more than likely would have all of us men executed for being male

      August 28, 2012 at 11:17 am | Report abuse |
  98. jamie

    Wow, this is a real no-brainer. First I read an article about a rapist who sued for parental rights and now a convicted abuser sueing his wife for alimony? Why should these women be victimized twice? When this bill passes, it will be a huge WIN for victims.

    August 27, 2012 at 11:28 am | Report abuse |
    • wowandwow

      Jamie- someone said that we need to look at all the good this man has done, maybe he gave up his life and career for his wife and children. Maybe so, but he still commited the crimes.

      Lets say someone kills your mother. Come to find out the man who was convicted was a decorated war hero for saving lives in Desert Storm. Would you want the judge to go easy on him because he saved lives once? NO. you do the crime, you do the time. period. Doesn't matter what this man gave up to stay at home with his kids!

      August 27, 2012 at 11:44 am | Report abuse |
  99. Xgirl360

    Actually, not all males are MEN. A real man would never rape his spouse. A real man loves and cherishes and protects his wife and family. Most women, like myself, are lucky and have real men for their husbands. But, spousal rape happens. No means no, no matter whether there is a ring on her finger or not. Abusive spouses often use rape to humiliate their spouses. Real men would beat the living snot out of the males who beat and rape the women who are supposed to be under their protection and care.

    August 27, 2012 at 11:28 am | Report abuse |
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