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Victim to victor
The story of Crystal Harris spurred the California legislature into action.
August 27th, 2012
06:30 AM ET

Victim to victor

By Jim Roope, CNN

Editor's Note: This story contains content some may find objectionable for younger listeners.

Los Angeles (CNN) - The California legislature unanimously passed a bill last week that would prohibit victims of spousal abuse from having to pay alimony to their convicted abuser. The bill is a result of one California woman who says she was a victim of spousal abuse and the justice system.

[:48] “Four years ago, my husband attacked me. He raped me and I just…it’s hard to talk about,” said 39-year-old mother of two, Crystal Harris.

Harris is a successful financial planner and her husband, Shawn, was a stay-at-home dad raising their two boys. Harris said in the years after their second son was born, her husband began to get violent. First verbally then physically, and as the years progressed it only got worse.

[1:14] “He had been threatening to kill me for months before that and I believed him,” she said. “And so it was the second attack in less than a week where the violence was so escalated that shifted my whole world where I didn’t really think I was going to survive that attack.”

That second attack happened on March 28, 2008. She caught the second attack on tape.

When Shawn Harris was convicted of forced oral copulation, the judge ordered Crystal to pay her husband, her convicted attacker, spousal support; $1,000 per month and to pay his legal fees.

She reached out to the California legislature for help.

[6:59] “I was shocked to learn Crystal had to pay alimony and legal fees to her abuser," said Democratic Assembly Member Toni Akins. “I think that’s the whole point to what led me to picking up this bill and moving it forward.”

The bill now goes to Governor Jerry Brown for his signature. Atkins says there is every indication he will sign it into law.

What are your thoughts about Crystal’s story? Join the conversation below.

soundoff (1,304 Responses)
  1. A little Common Sense

    Great, because I think we can all agree that women were paying way too much in alimony as things are now.

    It's a real catch-22

    In extreme cases like this, the rule is justified.

    But as a whole, you have to know that it will be abused (likely a great deal) and create a further bias against males in divorce proceedings. Especially if verbal abuse is included. Then every argument or angry comment will be used against a guy as being abusive, while I'm sure if a guy makes similar claims, you'll just hear "It's an argument/angry comment. People argue."

    August 27, 2012 at 3:38 pm | Report abuse |
    • crazyvermont

      Feel for the victim but only in California would we need this kind of legislation for a bit of common sense

      August 27, 2012 at 3:42 pm | Report abuse |
    • Tom, Tom, the Piper's Son

      Agreed

      August 27, 2012 at 3:53 pm | Report abuse |
    • Alice

      @A little Common Sense This idea is idiotic. The law requires a felony conviction on violent abuse. Not just accusations of verbal abuse, but a criminal conviction of violent physical or sexual abuse. Why do men see a law that protects all spouses from having to pay their abusers as a threat to men anyway?

      August 27, 2012 at 4:44 pm | Report abuse |
      • James

        It is odd that when it is Government trying to erode our freedom it is "Well if you are not going to do anything bad, why would you care about invasion of privacy" but that logic can be applied "If you are not going to beat your spouse, why would you care that this law exist"

        August 27, 2012 at 7:42 pm | Report abuse |
    • elisabethinca

      You might want to take a look at your own name and apply it to yourself. The law says "If your CONVICTED"...you CANNOT be CONVICTED of VERBAL abuse. It isn't against the law. This is a CRIMINAL law you have to commit a CRIME. IT isn't a he said/she said or a civil case. It is for ANYONE male OR female who is CONVICTED of physical abuse. Why would you even make that statement? And why do you think verbal abuse is illegal and a crime?

      August 28, 2012 at 2:06 am | Report abuse |
  2. nic

    You dont even know all the details. if she was forced, it is rape.. no matter the situation. And a wife is not a servant.

    August 27, 2012 at 3:37 pm | Report abuse |
  3. phatfly

    You are a slug that doesn't deserve the benefit of being considered human! What is going through your incredibly thin thought process to think that in any situation another human being has the right to force any other human to sex? You, slug, are the worse excuse for consideration in to our species! Go somewhere else to live. This planet isn't big enough for you here.

    August 27, 2012 at 3:37 pm | Report abuse |
  4. Mary

    Add something intelligent to the discussion.
    If you're going to say it's the wife's duty to satisfy her husband, then let's also add that it's the husband's duty to treat his wife respectfully, which this piece of scum did not.
    Stop being ridiculous.

    August 27, 2012 at 3:36 pm | Report abuse |
  5. Mikayla

    It is a man's duty to provide for his family. He was a stay at home dad. No means no wife or not. A wife can be rapes by her husband. U are ridiculous

    August 27, 2012 at 3:35 pm | Report abuse |
  6. suzy

    what backward country are you from? Everyone, married or not, has the right to not engage in sex and not to be forced to "satisfy his needs". That makes the wife, in your opinion, a live blow up doll for his sexual needs whenever he feels like it.

    August 27, 2012 at 3:34 pm | Report abuse |
    • local

      If there is no sex why stay married.

      August 27, 2012 at 4:03 pm | Report abuse |
    • JudgeDB

      True, no means no for everyone, even if you're married. That said, have any of you ever seen what happens when its the man who turns down sex? Women REALLY hate having the tables turned on them and losing all that power.

      August 27, 2012 at 5:52 pm | Report abuse |
  7. qwerty789

    CNN – could you remove this post? This is beyond offensive and should not be allowed on your message boards.

    August 27, 2012 at 3:34 pm | Report abuse |
  8. Rachelle

    Um... NO! means NO! Thats the definition of rape. it's people like you that scare me

    August 27, 2012 at 3:34 pm | Report abuse |
    • local

      Rachelle. The only dumbass on here is you. Good luck on your long lonely life.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:53 pm | Report abuse |
  9. Nick

    I don't for a moment think she should have to pay him anything. But there is such a bias against men in our judicial system. Men are always treated more harshly, in divorces, criminal, custody battles, etc...

    August 27, 2012 at 3:33 pm | Report abuse |
    • JP

      Nick says 'I don't for a moment think she should have to pay him anything. But there is such a bias against men in our judicial system. Men are always treated more harshly, in divorces, criminal, custody battles, etc..." Where on earth do you live Nick, Mars? That's not the experience of any woman I know. And it certainly hasn't been mine, and buddy, I've been there. Have you? Or are you just blowing it out your a** again?

      August 27, 2012 at 3:43 pm | Report abuse |
      • Tom, Tom, the Piper's Son

        @JP
        Of course you are unbiased right? Not only is this common knowledge but my father worked family law for 15 years. Nick is correct.

        August 27, 2012 at 3:56 pm | Report abuse |
    • grrandy

      And that bias is not completely undeserved. (Just for the record, I"m an American male.) By FAR the overwhelming majority of sexual predators, pedophiles and violent offenders in our society are male. To me, it's really not so surprising if that results in an overall bias against males in the judicial system in general. Not saying it's right, or that it's the way things ought to be, just saying that it is, to some degree, expected and understandable.

      August 27, 2012 at 4:19 pm | Report abuse |
  10. JP

    I've never commented on line before and I have a few thoughts: (1) For God's sake, WILL YOU PEOPLE LEARN TO SPELL? (2) It seems an awful lot of people didn't read the entire article before the went off on a rant. (3) Some of you who read the article went into the ozone with your conspiracy theories predicting of dire things to come with no proof other than what's in your own minds. (4) I'm guessing a lot of the men who commented don't have a very good relationship with the women in their lives. AND (5) Has no one heard of respect? As in...if you treat your spouse with respect they're more likely to reciprocate. Sex is not an entitlement, it can be a pleasurable shared experience. If you men ensure that sex is pleasurable for your wives, they'll be much more likely to want to repeat the experience. Don't be so selfish...spend more than 5 minutes on it.

    August 27, 2012 at 3:32 pm | Report abuse |
    • ac

      USA-educated. How well can they spell anyway. Forget it.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:41 pm | Report abuse |
    • DVS

      Ummm....ok...but........."online" is one word.........sorry..........

      August 27, 2012 at 3:54 pm | Report abuse |
    • Ncoclub

      @JP....Now I have a few thoughts. Don't throw stones out of your glass house. Using all caps is rude. Putting numbers in front of sentencing is incorrect as well. Now to the rest of your rant. People enjoy sex at different levels. While you are correct in saying that it should be a shared experience it is highly ignorant of you to imply that men who only take 5 min to complete the act are being insensitive of their partners needs. Certainly your bad experiences with men are evident but that's just your bad luck and has nothing to do with this blog. It's better to keep ones mouth shut and feign ignorance than to open it and cast all doubt aside.

      August 27, 2012 at 4:04 pm | Report abuse |
    • Nobody N. Particular

      FYI, online is one word, not two; so don't get too picky on spelling. As for your other comments, I can certainly agree, I personally don't care for anyone else's uninformed opinions; they are like a**holes, everyone has one and no one wants to see anyone else's.

      August 27, 2012 at 4:40 pm | Report abuse |
    • ASH

      Right on!

      August 27, 2012 at 5:03 pm | Report abuse |
    • kamarasune

      Until men can carry a pregnancy to term and have their bodies ripped 7 ways to Sunday (taking all the risk along the way) its not equal and it never will be so stop crying for an equality that is more unnatural than this falling down failure of a husband wanting his wife to man up while he plays the Mrs's....

      August 27, 2012 at 5:09 pm | Report abuse |
    • JudgeDB

      First of all, its spelled online, or on-line, you hypocrite. Second, it is widely understood in our American culture that sex can be and frequently is used as a weapon in relationships, 99% of the time by women. I'm not saying this justifies abuse, but its a little naive to act like the only reason women withhold sex is because the man isn't good at it. By the way, that statement alone portrays you as the mysandronist that you are.

      August 27, 2012 at 5:44 pm | Report abuse |
  11. Marc

    She didn't think she'd survive another attack, but stayed, didn't have her husband arrested, AND had the presence of mind to film it? None of that seems odd to anyone but me?

    August 27, 2012 at 3:32 pm | Report abuse |
    • crystalangel336

      Have you seen what happened to many women that left? They were killed by their abuser. The legal system could not save them. From the description of the abuse it seems that this would be the case, and she did exactly what she needed to do so the courts didn't say it's your word against his. Bravo to her.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:37 pm | Report abuse |
      • Cody

        Hardly. Most can go to shelter and many other PUBLICLY funded programs that help women...not men.

        August 27, 2012 at 3:47 pm | Report abuse |
    • James

      very simply, its a form of Stockholm Syndrome....

      August 27, 2012 at 3:37 pm | Report abuse |
    • Ellen

      try reading the article, man.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:38 pm | Report abuse |
    • needsreform

      exactly.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:41 pm | Report abuse |
    • ac

      She knew her husband was a gap-toothed, poorly-educated Kentucky inbred, Redneck Republican anyway. So it was easy.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:43 pm | Report abuse |
      • Maryann

        Really, that's the most intelligent comment you can come up with? Obviously an "uneducated democrat."

        August 27, 2012 at 3:51 pm | Report abuse |
    • doughnuts

      From the article: When Shawn Harris was convicted of forced oral copulation...

      Just what does "convicted" mean to you?

      August 27, 2012 at 3:53 pm | Report abuse |
    • jrg

      Leaving and filing for divorce puts it into a he said / she said conflict. Risking one more attack but getting it on tape changes everything. Its a risk, but at least in this case proved to be the right choice.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:54 pm | Report abuse |
    • Deb T.

      to Marc, in this day and age you need proof of abuse before you can even get him removed from the house. Don't judge her for covering her bases. If she had called the Police without evidence, he would have been allowed to stay in the house pending the outcome of the divorce, by which time she would have probably been deceased..

      August 27, 2012 at 3:59 pm | Report abuse |
      • Fiona

        Deb T., who the h ell cares about the house? She could have and should have cleared the kids out of there and made sure they were safe from her - allegedly - violent husband. Instead, she stayed in order to "catch him". I find her motives more than questionable. Her actions inexcusable.

        August 27, 2012 at 4:05 pm | Report abuse |
    • Fiona

      Uh, Marc, some of us commented on that way back in the thread.

      August 27, 2012 at 4:02 pm | Report abuse |
    • LL

      Sadly, no, it's not odd. I stayed in an abusive marriage for 10 years. I never taped anything, but I took pictures of the bruises. I never had him arrested, and when I did leave and file for divorce, I didn't mention the abuse. It's very common.

      August 28, 2012 at 2:08 pm | Report abuse |
  12. needsreform

    i read this article yesterday. couldn’t resist coming back to it today and commenting. i agree and hope that this legislation is passed so don't get the wrong idea from my comments. at the point where a woman (or a man) feels like they are being mentally or physically abused, have no control over their well-being and more importantly their children’s well-being, it's time to separate from the situation. don’t wait until you've been with that person for 5 yrs. don't wait until you've had children with them. nothing’s going to change. with that being said, it appears that this woman continued to subject herself to his abuse. this tells me that she is possibly not in any better mental state than the j.a. that abused her to begin with. there needs to be legal parity in these situations. why did this woman continue to be with this guy and have kids. she did it because she either made some significant mistakes herself or because she wasn’t mentally healthy either. it get that there's always the possibility that she wanted to ensure that he was caught in the act, for fear that he would never stop but in order to show rape, abuse, etc. by someone else, you need to consider your own mental state as well and the courts should consider this more than they do. I find it hard to believe that this woman had no idea that this guy had problems to begin with and in realizing this, why did she have kids with him? Because she loved him and thought he would change? this is just as much of a mental issue as is violence and subjecting children to this is child abuse whether the kids realize it or not. it matters and if it’s not considered all the court is doing is persecuting the one party instead of the whole, when in fact they both have no business being a parent and both need help.

    August 27, 2012 at 3:31 pm | Report abuse |
    • crystalangel336

      You really think it is that simple? Read the news, check the stats and see how many women are killed by their ex-spouses or estranged spouses. And many of those killed had enlisted the help of the law, which in the end were no help at all.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:39 pm | Report abuse |
      • local

        And how maqny women kill their spouses or try to con their new lovers into commiting the murder.

        August 27, 2012 at 3:51 pm | Report abuse |
    • ED

      I do not think it is so black and white. I was a victim of spousal abuse for 11 yrs. Yes I stayed with AH. Why? Because I was afraid for my life and my sons life. When I tried to leave, he would find me. And then it would be ugly. Did I call the police? yes. Did my neighbors call the police? yes. There was a burden of proof I had to make before anyone would help me. Even the so called shelters said there had to be a burden of proof. For 11 yrs I had to take the abuse before I got help. You know where that help came from? My church. Not the police who wanted proof. They would not even arrest him or remove him from the house. He would tell me if I left he would kill my son. How do you leave? So don't be blowing your mouth when you don't know what all is going on behind the closed doors.

      August 27, 2012 at 5:20 pm | Report abuse |
  13. Cin507

    Maybe she should use the allimony money to have him killed instead.

    August 27, 2012 at 3:31 pm | Report abuse |
  14. GetReal2012

    Another macho idiot. A man does not own his wife. If she says no – it is no. Dumba$$

    August 27, 2012 at 3:29 pm | Report abuse |
  15. Kit

    I agree Devara, had that been me I would have bit if off while I had the chance and slapped him with it.

    August 27, 2012 at 3:29 pm | Report abuse |
  16. trey

    this is insane, so in the rare chance that woman would have to pay alimony, all she has to do is claim abuse to get out of it. You have to be insane to get married these days if your'e a guy, if you're a woman its a golden ticket.

    August 27, 2012 at 3:27 pm | Report abuse |
    • GetReal2012

      Not if they marry a 'gem' like you Trey – bet you are a runner. Run from your responsibilities...

      August 27, 2012 at 3:30 pm | Report abuse |
    • GLS

      As a man whose wife left him with 3 children (3,6 and 8), and who suffered terrible verbal and physical abuse (albeit a much smaller person incapable of some of the things that went on here); i say this is atrocious. Should he pay for the damage he inflicted (without question), but if this was a stay at home Mom, there would be alimony. This is terrible and he is paying (jail); however now he pays twice! Grossly unfair based on the inequality of it.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:41 pm | Report abuse |
    • Truth

      Amen.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:41 pm | Report abuse |
    • Cell

      Sadly Trey, that seems to be the case. Notice how when this is acknowledged, the sheep come out with personal insults as if it'll make it go away. Grow up people..this isn't the school yard.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:42 pm | Report abuse |
    • mike

      This works for guys too. A guy just needs to get his wife a domestic violence charge to be free of alimony. I'm sure he has a buddy that will be a witness.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:51 pm | Report abuse |
    • LL

      @trey 'claim' abuse???? She had a videotape of it and he was CONVICTED.

      August 28, 2012 at 2:09 pm | Report abuse |
  17. masintenn

    I agree with many other posters.....there's got to be more to this story. Good job, CNN.

    August 27, 2012 at 3:26 pm | Report abuse |
  18. Tim Shepard

    This will just increase the already epidemic rate of Domestic Violence Fraud.
    A better solution would have been to abolish alimony altogether. Theres no place for it in a
    No Fault Divorce state.

    August 27, 2012 at 3:23 pm | Report abuse |
    • JP

      Tim..."This will just increase the already epidemic rate of Domestic Violence Fraud." This is the kind of comment that drives me nuts. You got any statistics to back up that absurd accusation? My goodness...I'd think Fox News would be all over something like that!

      August 27, 2012 at 3:36 pm | Report abuse |
      • Tim Shepard

        A simple google search will give you all the details you need.
        People like you are just sticking their head in the sand and you are doing a disservice to the upstanding men in your community by perpetuating the ignorance.

        http://www.avvo.com/legal-guides/ugc/false-complaints-of-domestic-violence-dv
        read this article. I can vouch for everything he says from personal experience.

        August 27, 2012 at 5:58 pm | Report abuse |
    • needsreform

      completely agree. when two people engage in marriage, they both committ and should realize that they take on a roll. one person may be the stay at home parent and the other works to support the family. maybe they each do a little of both, maybe they switch roles off and on over the years. in today's society, you have to take ownership of those roles. if you choose to have children, be a stay at home mom, that's your choice. no one is forcing you. at the same time, if you decide that you want to leave a marriage, for whatever reason, you're on your own, just like you would be if you made a decision to leave your employer. alomony is a throw back to the 50's where the men worked and the women were suppressed to a large degree and stayed home with the kids. today, to a larger degree we have the opportunity to do as we please, educated ourselves from home, work from home, etc. alomony has no place in today's society. all it does s create more problems – bankruptcy, arguing, lying, deception, excuses.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:38 pm | Report abuse |
  19. LuLu Bell

    Kudos to Crystal! It takes enormous strength to go public with such a horrifying story and a tremendous amount of resilience and fortitude to keep re-hashing such a painful experience in order to drive change. Well done and thank-you from the rest of us! And bravo to CA's legislature: now if only other States would follow suit ...

    August 27, 2012 at 3:23 pm | Report abuse |
  20. Alex

    Where is justice in this world?~!~

    He stayed with her children full time and she, not only refused sexual encounters but sued the guy. Where the hell is equality? We need to swing that legal pendulum back at women!

    August 27, 2012 at 3:22 pm | Report abuse |
    • GetReal2012

      Hopefully it will swing really high and hard and knock some sense into your head.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:35 pm | Report abuse |
    • suzy

      where does it say she refused his sexual encounters? You have no idea if/when the had sex – all the article points out is that she was able to video a forced sexual encounter....

      August 27, 2012 at 3:36 pm | Report abuse |
    • DVS

      "convicted of forcible copulation"......what story were you reading, dude? How would you like to be forced to copulate in a deviant manner? You'd probably be all for that, so it seems

      August 27, 2012 at 4:02 pm | Report abuse |
  21. Tom

    How about we abolish alimony for both genders, instead of legislating if's/but's/only's to already one-sided alimony laws for the benefit of one gender only?

    August 27, 2012 at 3:22 pm | Report abuse |
    • Alex

      I love that idea. It's a step towards true equality.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:23 pm | Report abuse |
  22. Survivor

    The details of the hell my children and I went through are not for public airing. We were in a court system that was stacked in favor of the men, not the women. Truth won and my children and I are free.

    August 27, 2012 at 3:22 pm | Report abuse |
    • reason&logic

      actually "survivor" the laws are stacked in the favor of women...hint hint alimony

      August 27, 2012 at 4:49 pm | Report abuse |
  23. barbara

    Too bad she just didn't shoot the guy in self-defense... then the subject of alimony wouldn't have even been an issue.
    She should have sued for emotional and physical trauma.
    Glad a bill is in the works.

    August 27, 2012 at 3:19 pm | Report abuse |
    • Tom, Tom, the Piper's Son

      Advocating murder isn’t helping your moral high ground.

      August 27, 2012 at 4:10 pm | Report abuse |
  24. kim

    This also should apply to men paying alimony to women who commit domestic violence, or adultery for that matter.

    August 27, 2012 at 3:18 pm | Report abuse |
    • Alex

      It should work both ways, really. I agree.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:24 pm | Report abuse |
  25. Chris

    Awesome. This happens to Dad's every day and more proof women clean up in family court. I got accused of abuse, showed the email to the Judge proving she made it up as a custody ploy, she got busted, and custody regardless and I pay $2,000 in support to her which she used for plastic surgery. Good to know if I were a woman, laws could be changed.

    August 27, 2012 at 3:16 pm | Report abuse |
    • James

      either you agree with the abuse or you don't. Which is it Chris? And what does your situation have to do with Crystal's?

      August 27, 2012 at 3:52 pm | Report abuse |
      • Anonymous

        STF you Troll

        August 28, 2012 at 12:41 pm | Report abuse |
  26. A little Common Sense

    This seems like a case where the rule/law would be justified, but I can see this being just another part of divorce law that is unfairly biased against the male. I'm sure a guy will never be believed if he says he was the victim of abuse in a marriage and if they do believe him, they'll probably just write it off.

    Never been married or divorced but the whole alimony thing for any more than a short time just seems crazy to me. People who don't earn income in a relationship definitely do work and provide value, but why should a person who takes care of the household duties with a wealthy spouse deserve more alimony than someone who did the same for a middle class spouse? Because they became accustomed to someone providing them with nice things?

    Elin Woods can't do anything worth millions of dollars, why should she be getting millions of dollars?

    August 27, 2012 at 3:15 pm | Report abuse |
    • cmc

      You answered your own question...the amount of alimony that's set is to keep up the lifestyle to which they've grown accustomed. Why should Elin Woods and her kids give everything up they knew because Tiger couldn't keep it in his pants?

      August 27, 2012 at 3:29 pm | Report abuse |
      • A little Common Sense

        The kids shouldn't. That's child support.

        Elin shouldn't get millions of dollars because she isn't worth milllions of dollars. She can provide nothing to society that we've deemed worth millions of dollars simply by being married to a rich guy (I don't know what she does or what her independent earning power is. If she can earn it on her own, I'm not speaking to that)

        What does becoming accustomed to something have to do with being entitled to it. She can live just find without it. Where does it say, if you become rich you are entitled to stay rich? Do you think when rich people lose most of their money, something should be done to help them get rich again because they've become accustomed to a lifestyle and it's so terrible for them to have to get used to another lifestyle? She became accustomed to that lifestyle because tiger gave her all that stuff. If he doesn't want to give that to her anymore why should he have to? She's not giving him any of the benefits she used to that he's become accustomed to. Should she still have to do the household duties he's become accustomed to?

        2 disclaimers. 1. I'm not talking about division of assets 2. I'm using Elin as a hypothetical example of the wife of a rich person that doesn't provide/have their own unique/valuable talents (in many ways, I'm sure she's not)

        August 27, 2012 at 3:56 pm | Report abuse |
        • MCC

          Because SOME of us have given up OUR own lives so the breadwinner (ie husband) can pursue his dream, our dreams (those of the stay at home house wife) and aspirations be damned. I have a college degree, I had a career but I stayed home, raised the children and took care of the household. I gave up my dream so he could pursue his. If he left me, I wouldn't leave him enough for peanut butter.

          August 27, 2012 at 4:29 pm | Report abuse |
      • Tom, Tom, the Piper's Son

        Because they world doesn’t own anyone..anything. Self entitlement is one our major failings as a nation atm.

        August 27, 2012 at 4:08 pm | Report abuse |
      • local

        According to CMC just marry someone rich then take em to the cleaners, never have to anything again for the rest of your life. Scumbag bitch, that seems real equal.

        August 27, 2012 at 4:09 pm | Report abuse |
    • revictimization

      I've never known anyone to get alimony for more than 7 years. Ever. It is not a life sentence

      August 27, 2012 at 6:20 pm | Report abuse |
  27. Your Panties in Texas

    There is no such thing as a man Raping his wife. It is part of his husbandly duties to "take care" of her. So, nope, she was not Raped by her husband.

    August 27, 2012 at 3:15 pm | Report abuse |
    • JB

      YOU ARE ONE DUMB TEXAS FUCK-STICK. Maybe I should marry your mom and rape her in her ass – that OK?

      August 27, 2012 at 3:26 pm | Report abuse |
    • GetReal2012

      Seriously? You're an idiot. A man does not own his wife. If she did not want to have sex ad he forced her its rape.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:27 pm | Report abuse |
      • Anonymous

        This is amazing! all you women say that your men are not entitled to sex from you.yet at the same time you get crazy jealous when he starts looking outside for sex. Evil FemNazi Hypocrite Witches...

        August 28, 2012 at 12:51 pm | Report abuse |
    • concretemermaid

      sicko.A man can and have been convicted of raping their spouse as the act is forced against their will.Women have equal rights in this country bucko and this woman won her case and had the law changed!Too bad for you.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:28 pm | Report abuse |
      • local

        Per your post you have the right screen name concrete bitch...............

        August 27, 2012 at 4:10 pm | Report abuse |
    • Chris

      Really? Would you want to have sex with the guy that's trying to beat you to death? Hmmm, maybe you would! That's not a husband doing his duty to please his wife. What if she isn't making it up? It's attitudes like yours that put real victims on trial.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:28 pm | Report abuse |
    • B Brown

      Your Panties in Texas – You have lost your Mind, married or not everyone has the right to say no!!! It is and will always be rape when one party says NO, married or not.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:28 pm | Report abuse |
    • cmc

      Hey Panties: read your own state's family legal code. You can get it online.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:30 pm | Report abuse |
    • suzy

      what is this stupid issue of "wifely duties"?? I think you give stupid a new face

      August 27, 2012 at 3:37 pm | Report abuse |
      • Tom, Tom, the Piper's Son

        suzy
        what is this stupid issue of "wifely duties"??

        It’s a religious thing. You know the kind… one of those that is left out of the cherry picking these days.

        August 27, 2012 at 4:07 pm | Report abuse |
    • DVS

      Yo Panties – wear them in a privacy of your own home, engage in a deviant behavior and "take care" of your willing adult partner. Leave the online posts to other less stooopid individuals.

      August 27, 2012 at 4:07 pm | Report abuse |
  28. Devara

    She should have bit it off while she had the chance.

    August 27, 2012 at 3:14 pm | Report abuse |
    • Your Panties in Texas

      Not Very Nice of you to say that.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:16 pm | Report abuse |
      • Chris

        Look who's talking about "not very nice". Did you consider your own comments before you made them? Probably not!

        August 27, 2012 at 3:30 pm | Report abuse |
        • Anonymous

          OMG This is amazing! all you women say that your men are not entitled to sex from you.yet at the same time you get crazy jealous when he starts looking outside for sex. Evil FemNazi Hypocrite Witches...

          August 28, 2012 at 12:54 pm | Report abuse |
  29. Survivor

    The details of the hell my children and I went through are not for public airing. We were in a court system that was stacked in favor of the men, not the women. Evidence won and my children and I are free.

    August 27, 2012 at 3:14 pm | Report abuse |
  30. btdt

    In a way this woman is seeking to punish him and deciding on his sentence in a way that she sees fit. And people respond to this with support of a new law – why? Because rape. Women in divorce have so many tools at their disposal in the family courts. Rape, he abused me, abused the kids, molested the kids, restraining orders, and now this. Father's have ZERO. And this father definitely has zero because they took his alimony away. Because its ok to take it away from the man but never take it away from the woman. Because Rape right?

    August 27, 2012 at 3:09 pm | Report abuse |
    • Kevin

      But, didn't she catch one of his attacks on her on tape? So, it's not like she's making this up. The husband deserves every bad thing that happens to him.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:20 pm | Report abuse |
    • Sylvia

      Absolutely because of rape. If one of the major reasons that you and your husband get divorced is because among physical, emotional, and verbal abuse, that you were physically attacked on a number of occasions, one in which, was the final attack, upon which your husband forced you to give him oral sex. I think it might be comprehensible that the victim should not have to pay alimony. I think the right to financial recover of divorce is foregone under such an offensive and harmful act. I just hope that the legislative act here is applied retroactively to this and other cases in which certain circumstancles apply.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:24 pm | Report abuse |
      • Anonymous

        The harsh reality is women will NEVER be convicted of rape in this country Because of the Evil FemNazi Hypocrite Lawyers are there to "protect" them.

        August 28, 2012 at 1:00 pm | Report abuse |
    • Kate

      Wow, you're disgusting. I hope you never have to experience what this woman went through. She was further victimized by having to financially support someone who tortured her. The idea that you believe that rape isn't a good enough reason for her to not have to give him money is monstrous. Apparently you were a super douche and some lucky-to-get-the-eff-away-from-you woman took you to the cleaners for it. Don't project your failure onto rape victims, take accountability for your failed marriage. Please stay away from women forever, you horrible tool bag.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:27 pm | Report abuse |
    • GetReal2012

      No a man can run and hide form his responsibilities... dude get a grip.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:29 pm | Report abuse |
    • DVS

      RIGHT – because rape is an offense against a person, a violation and a criminal act.

      August 27, 2012 at 4:04 pm | Report abuse |
      • Anonymous

        Don't kid yourself. It only applies to Male against Female when it come to domestic violence.

        August 28, 2012 at 1:04 pm | Report abuse |
  31. Jason

    She should pay...simple....men have to pay regardless of the "situation"...

    August 27, 2012 at 3:06 pm | Report abuse |
    • Jesse

      First off she shouldn't pay.

      Yes the system is corrupt and 200+ years old based on a time where women had no rights or worked and therefor invalid in today's world.

      Yes men have been abused, sexually harrassed, and no one believes them.

      The system needs to be fixed badly because kids will suffer which increases crime and dependence on the system stalling out the economy.

      However she should NEVER have to pay. Same if the roles were reversed.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:15 pm | Report abuse |
    • T

      The new law is not gender specific.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:23 pm | Report abuse |
  32. the_dude

    I might feel some sympathy for the woman if this article could accureately explain what had happened.

    August 27, 2012 at 3:05 pm | Report abuse |
    • Ellen

      or you could actually READ the article, it's pretty clear.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:09 pm | Report abuse |
    • BFLO716

      ummmm what didn't you read? "When Shawn Harris was convicted of forced oral copulation"

      August 27, 2012 at 3:20 pm | Report abuse |
  33. Mary

    I see no reason, or need, for alimony payments. Period. From either this woman to her husband, OR from a husband to an ex-wife.
    People need to be responsible for themselves. If you get a divorce, it's time to polish up your resume and go job hunting.

    August 27, 2012 at 3:05 pm | Report abuse |
    • T

      Hmmm, how about when the divorce is due to spousal abuse and the shoe is on the other foot? The stay at home partner is the one abused. How about when the working partner cheats on his/her spouse? Absolutes do not allow equity within the law and are dangerous water to tread.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:13 pm | Report abuse |
      • DVS

        Many role reversals in this case, obviously resulting in a lively debate. Truth of the matter – who cares if he was a stay-at-home parent? He also abused his wife in a deviant manner and, hopefully, will find out what that entails while being encarcerated.

        August 27, 2012 at 4:12 pm | Report abuse |
      • Jesse

        T

        What cheating has been reduced too it's no reason for financial gain. Once upon a time it meant something but given the diversity of lifestyles today you can't discriminate against a person who is polymorus (silly I know). There are a few instances in which Alimony should be allowed but even then for a limited time. Alimony is not a new concept it's old testament lol. However given the evolution of the country you are no longer entitled to be given the same life you had. You have all the available opportunities to make something out of yourself. Oprah was a poor black woman who made it despite the time period she was born in. Fast forward to 2012. You can get grants for continuing education and get into the workforce.

        Now say a woman who was married right out of High School and she promised to stay home and raise 3 kids. 25 years later, her husband leaves her she should get 5 years of alimony to get back on her feet (that is reasonable or if vice verca the man stays home and raises a kid) 5 years is enough to make yourself marketable for a career again.

        August 27, 2012 at 4:13 pm | Report abuse |
    • Maggie

      Obviously, you have never been divorced, filed for divorce or been in a situation to warrant divorce. For all intense and purposes, he should be in jail and paying her medical bills and child support and spousal support. Ever been in an abusive situation?

      August 27, 2012 at 3:13 pm | Report abuse |
    • Jesse

      Thank You Mary!

      Alimony is outdated. Once upon a time it was important however nowadays it is completely outdated.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:19 pm | Report abuse |
  34. Robert Reyes

    As long as this is applied fairly and equally to everyone, then I'm okay with it. What happened to this lady is horrible but I know just as many men that are subject to documented abuse and pay alimony, huge amounts of alimony. If it applies to one, it applies to all!

    August 27, 2012 at 3:04 pm | Report abuse |
    • T

      Absolutely, men are abused as well, and less apt to file charges because society looks at them as weak. (Which is pure bunk, many just will not fight back because they were also taught not to fight women.)

      August 27, 2012 at 3:15 pm | Report abuse |
      • Jesse

        Robert and T. Dead on. It is slowly becoming that way. Men need to learn to document anything. You call the police because they take statements and document it.

        August 27, 2012 at 4:19 pm | Report abuse |
  35. Stlouisman

    The writing in this piece is terrible. I doubt very much that the judge 'when he was convicted' ordered her to pay to pay the money and his court fees. That would be a different court.

    August 27, 2012 at 3:00 pm | Report abuse |
    • Mary

      I totally agree. That was worded badly. The same judge that found him guilty of abusing her would not order alimony paid to this guy, at least I'd find it hard to believe. If it WAS the same judge, then that judge needs to be reviewed for mental competency.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:07 pm | Report abuse |
    • Mel

      @Stlouisman and @Mary you do realize it wasn't a "written piece" don't you? What you are reading is a recap of the actual piece up above. Do you decide that a movie is bad if the review was written poorly?

      August 28, 2012 at 12:30 pm | Report abuse |
    • Mel

      Stlouisman and Mary you do realize it wasn't a "written piece" don't you? What you are reading is a recap of the actual piece up above. Do you decide that a movie is bad if the review was written poorly?

      August 28, 2012 at 12:30 pm | Report abuse |
  36. Satan

    And I actually have more disdain for the concept of alimony than I do for child support. Why on Earth should I care if my ex-wife is able to maintain her same standard of living as when she was married to me or not? For the record, I'm not married (and don't ever plan to be), but alimony is an atrocity. Paying support for your OWN kids isn't unreasonable...I just wish the courts would audit the recipient of the support to verify that not a single cent is being spent for personal use...which is almost always the case. They definitely should put caps on how much of one's income can be paid towards support though. Why the hell should anyone pay 60% of their monthly income to support a child they may have 30% of the time? There is no logic behind it. Child support should subsidize the primary custodian's obligation to offset their cost as if they were still together...NOT remove their financial burden altogether.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:56 pm | Report abuse |
    • homeschool23

      Because a child needs care 100% of the time. It is not a toy that you get to pay to play with. You get the child 30% of the time doesn't mean you only pay 30% of the payments. Don't procreate. Please.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:02 pm | Report abuse |
      • Jesse

        You took one small point out of it and incorrectly so. A kid needs 100% support FROM BOTH parents. Child support laws should offset the cost as if the parents were together. Not require one person to pay for TWO adults and children. This is 2012 no free ride for women. Which if you were honest YOU KNOW WOMEN who abuse it. You want to be a good parent then speak out against the women who give you a bad name. Men always speak out against deadbeat dads, We never hear women critical of deadbeat or freeloading moms.

        August 27, 2012 at 3:09 pm | Report abuse |
    • T

      Really? You think child support should be based on how often you see your kid? LOL

      August 27, 2012 at 3:18 pm | Report abuse |
    • NDLIly

      The concept of alimony is simple. If one spouse has stayed home to take care of the family while the other works, or one spouse has worked to put the other through school to better his/her and the family's financial position and thereby put any attempts to better the spouse's own position on hold, then yes, that spouse is entitled to compensation because in theory that spouse deserves to be supported because of the efforts that he/she has put forth in the past and the things he/she has been denied because of having to provide that physical support. That is the theory behind alimony. Now, how well that theory plays out is questionable.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:19 pm | Report abuse |
    • justanotherwife

      easy to say that you would like to see 100% of that money spent on the children...what about their subsistence (aka their food), shelter (to include electricity, gas, etc.) How do you determine how much the children use and how much the spouse uses...you don't so you hope that the woman or man you chose to make those children with is responsible. Are they always...nope (get proof and go back to court) but in most circumstances all each parent wants is a good life for their kids they just get caught up in the emotion from a divorce.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:21 pm | Report abuse |
  37. Tom

    How about we abolish alimony altogether, instead of abolishing it for just one gender's benefit?

    I feel bad for this woman but how about the generations of men who had to pay alimony to their abusing/cheating spouses? Who is passing legislation to protect them?

    August 27, 2012 at 2:55 pm | Report abuse |
  38. NCO

    Feel lucky i do not know who you are to make a statement like that about women, well lets just say my White Male Southern Raised values tell me to treat you in the same manner as you are advocating treating women.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:53 pm | Report abuse |
  39. realityCHECK

    "MY wife cheated on me, called me names, had sex in OUR bed with other men... and flaunted her sore you know what... taunting and taunting me... until I begged for a divorce... and filed papers." Then she told the court "I wanted the divorce and was abusive." The court bankrupted me, stole my rights by undue process, and believed ANY and EVERY hearsay allegation as they told me to be silent. It was a disgrace.

    DON'T TELL ME ABOUT ABUSE. I'VE LIVED IT and pay $2000 per month alimony to this creature... and I am prevented from seeing my kid because my ex-wife has told the court, "I could be potentially violent." B.S.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:52 pm | Report abuse |
    • homeschool23

      Yeah right. Your story is so full of holes it leaks lies.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:01 pm | Report abuse |
      • Anonymous

        You're say that because he's a man he can't speak out on behalf of the multitudes of men who were screwed out of a life and tried to do the right thing. Drop dead FemNazi Troll !

        August 28, 2012 at 1:14 pm | Report abuse |
    • Jet747

      If this post is any indication, I agree with you wife.

      You shouldn't see the children.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:11 pm | Report abuse |
    • Mike b

      What this woman has gone through shouldn't have happened; I think that the laws need to be rewritten so that they are the same for both sides. The laws are built around the rights of women and at the time they were created it was necessary. Times have changed though and the laws remain the same. The male is always held at fault regardless and the judges seem to thrive on it. As it stands a woman can make a claim that they are abused without any evidence and the court backs them up even if it isn't true. In this case this woman was abused and the judge leaned too far to the left. Obviously this judge has no common sense.

      August 27, 2012 at 4:05 pm | Report abuse |
  40. Castratitron

    Convicted rapists should have their dicks cut off and glued to their forehead then everyone would know theyre a sexual predator.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:52 pm | Report abuse |
  41. Kimberly

    Did you read all the comment about how men have the right to his rape his wife? these men have been sent here to attack this story they are from a hate group, these are the men that attack blogger all over the web and support the idea that they have the right to rape children and women .......CNN do a story about MRA- father rights hate group, they are sick monster ....you can start with google SPLC hategroups MRA father rights and see a taste of what these sick monster are....

    August 27, 2012 at 2:51 pm | Report abuse |
    • homeschool23

      Thank you Kimberly for outing those sickos.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:03 pm | Report abuse |
    • Anonymous

      Some of us are good decent men who are trying to protect their own rights as Men. Oh that's right... we men are sickos because we won't let you FemNazi psychos exterminate our gender.

      August 28, 2012 at 1:23 pm | Report abuse |
  42. dc3gal

    She is HIS wife? So what does that mean to you? He is also HER husband.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:50 pm | Report abuse |
  43. Princess J

    Crystal,

    I am glad to see that you are doing what you need to do to make sure that individuals like your husband do not get away with this type of incident again. I was sexualy assaulted by my husband prior to our divorce last year. We were legally separated and he kept coming back to the house to try and get back together. After he held his service weapon (He is a Federal Marshal) to my head loaded and then sexually assualted me I knew it was time to get out of the marriage. I filed for divorce although it took me four years of legal battles to get what I felt I deserved from a 25 year marriage I look back and wonder how I survived all those years of mental and physical abuse. I wish you the best and God Bless. You are an inspiration to women everywhere.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:50 pm | Report abuse |
  44. realityCHECK

    It is horrific how many people on this comment board think a man can actually rape his wife. That's what wives are for!

    August 27, 2012 at 2:48 pm | Report abuse |
    • Ellen

      Please do not feed the trolls

      August 27, 2012 at 2:51 pm | Report abuse |
      • Anonymous

        Look in the mirror, FemNazi !

        August 28, 2012 at 1:25 pm | Report abuse |
    • Lori

      Trying to get a rise out of people, huh? LOL!

      August 27, 2012 at 2:55 pm | Report abuse |
  45. Donna

    CNN: It would be VERY HELPFUL if when on is replying to have the replies under the statement be replied to. Trying to read through all these jumbled comments is nerve wracking.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:48 pm | Report abuse |
  46. Thomas

    My wife desserted me when I was ill and now I pay her alimony. Where's my justice?

    August 27, 2012 at 2:47 pm | Report abuse |
  47. meperal

    Yep...same thing happened to my sister...she escaped years of abuse, divorced and was forced to pay legal fees, various bills (but got out of alimony – after a bargining)...yes, she was successfull...he was a LOSER and still is. She was stuck with OVER $100,000 in bills from the bum. Luckily, she worked very hard and was able to pay everything off in a little over a year. So yeah, it does happen and it's stupid crazy! She is emotionally scarred from years of abuse, then had to basically pay him off to get rid of him! She too feared for her life and just wanted to be rid of him.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:47 pm | Report abuse |
  48. burnedtomanytimes

    "For stay at home dads, you're f-en idiots and sitting ducks and you deserve what you get. You're asking women to ignore hundreds of thousands of years of biological hard-wiring and accept a mate who doesn't provide more security and resources then she does, and when she meets a man who can provide that and wants to "trade-up", don't be surprised if you end-up homeless, broke, and possibly in prison if she's conniving and vindictive enough"

    I could have used this advice two years ago, to the T.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:44 pm | Report abuse |
  49. Konstanze

    Thats why we need laws for women because of you michaelshawn. You need to look at the story outside the box. What if it was your mother or daughter, I bet you would shoot him right in the head.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:44 pm | Report abuse |
  50. NattyBlue

    Do you hear my itty bitty tiny little violin? I'm not playing it for sympathy... I'm playing it to drown out your pathetic whining.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:43 pm | Report abuse |
  51. shuffler

    Those lawyers really cover their arse. lol

    August 27, 2012 at 2:43 pm | Report abuse |
    • judy kautz

      our justice system is a joke anymore. i know the feeling of being wronged. i am a single mother of 2 and 3 years ago i wanted to move 20 miles from my x who at the time was not working and stilli isn't. the judge gave him full custody and told me that was to far for him to drive. i have never been in trouble for anything and he had a record of abuse, dui's and hit and run with the kids in the car. this is the truth. you can't make this stuff up. now i have been fighting for my custody back while i pay him 1000 month to sit on his ass and verbaly abuse my kids. what the hell is wrong with our system. i'm glad she pursued it. it seems like the intelligence of our judges gets worse and worse and the law stands for nothing.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:53 pm | Report abuse |
  52. Nadith

    Wow, you truly are a nutjob. Get back on your meds and lay of the "good" book.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:43 pm | Report abuse |
  53. troublingTimes

    It is horrific how many people on this comment board think a man can actually rape his wife. Isn't that an oxymoron?

    August 27, 2012 at 2:43 pm | Report abuse |
    • Ellen

      Please do not feed the troll.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:46 pm | Report abuse |
    • rob

      No, it's not, if she says "no" it's still rape.

      The days of men owning their wives are thankfully long over.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:46 pm | Report abuse |
    • YouKiddingMe

      A wife is still a human being. Well, most of them anyway.
      A NO! is still a NO!
      If you cannot accept that you are guilty of rape. simple as that.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:51 pm | Report abuse |
    • kimba999

      Troll.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:52 pm | Report abuse |
    • Ted

      You are either a troll or a child molesting wife raper.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:53 pm | Report abuse |
      • Anonymous

        Drop dead Vomitboy...

        August 28, 2012 at 1:27 pm | Report abuse |
    • JQP1172

      What a ridiculous assertion. Anyone married or not who is forced to complete a sexual act against their will is being raped. But I think I am starting to understand the majority of the "boys" who think like you.

      I asserted in a previous comment, that if your wife is chronically "not putting out" and you are unhappy about it, then life to too short therefore man up and get divorced. But I believe the reason many of the boys making these type of comments will not and will simply complain about it, is because time has passed, you are no longer the football stud of high school years and your expanding waistline will probably make it more difficult to find a suitable replacement.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:56 pm | Report abuse |
    • AlsoAVictim

      Excuse me??!! I was married to a man who verbally and emotionally abused me. It actually started shortly after we were married, slowly excalating over the years. This type of abuse is more rare than physical; my kind was the most rare. That is, he did not yell or scream at me; rather he continually cut me down, insulted me, told me how worthless I was, things like that. He would actually hold my hand gently and tell me that everything thought these (awful) things about me but just couldn't tell me – that it was his duty as my husband to tell me. He did all of this behind closed doors so there was never anyone to overhear and tell me he was wrong. Slowly over the years he destroyed my self asteem. We already had two children when he raped me. I could not get away from him; most men are much stronger than women and he forced himself upon me at a time and place that was very inappropriate. I became pregnant and delivered our third child. I was finally able to escape from his control over my life and take my children with me as well. They are now grown and my life is much better but his abuse still haunts me and effects my life. How dare you say a man cannot rape his wife? It happens much more often than anyone could ever imagine.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:01 pm | Report abuse |
  54. smellyworld

    I was raped at 11, so I met up with a man that would protect me, I was 13 and I need a protected, this person was a teenage that could fight, he kept the boys off of me, but he became my abuser, he said I was a goody 2 shoes? , he then in years beat me up and was a whore. I married him, he still was an abuser, but he tried to abuse our children. So he one day tried to sexually abuse our little girl, I caught him, and he tried to attack me. he had a girlfriend at that time and she tried to attack me too. I fought both of them, the police came, I had a knife, but he had a gun, in which he planted on her, and the police did not check her, she bought the gun into the paddy wagon. In the end I was left with a $500.00 fine, an a record, for protecting my child, the judge told me I could not appeal, since I was nerve part of the legal system, I did not know my rights and the public defender, did nothing, but cross his legs. The ex husband only got a $175.00 fine. The people I told about the incident did nothing. I just found out last year that he only recd a $175.00 fine. I heard I could got my record exsponsed, but for what I should have never been charge. The Philadelphia judge never heard me, he told me to be quite. My probation officer was had my fine lower. i was protecting my child from rape, but since I was a woman, I got nothing in return from the justice system. I would do it again for my daughter, My ex spouse also told me If I collection support, he would kill us. Since the judicial system did nothing to him, I did not file for support because I did not want him to hurt my children.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:42 pm | Report abuse |
    • troublingTimes

      "I married him"... lol... blame yourself... are you blaming others? take your meds... lol

      August 27, 2012 at 2:44 pm | Report abuse |
    • Kay

      Sweetie...you're sounding like your own worst enemy here. And I don't mean back then. I mean NOW!

      "I heard I could got my record exsponsed, but for what I should have never been charge."

      For crying out loud, get your record expunged! Don't you realize that the reason you will get your record cleared is the fact that the court will agree that you never *should* have been charged in the first place???

      My gosh! If you do *NOT* do this, then you will *ALWAYS* have a criminal record! You will *ALWAYS* be considered guilty.

      Do you seriously always want a criminal record? When you can actually get rid of the darned thing because you shouldn't have one in the first place? Do you truly expect to simply go through life telling people you were innocent? After all, that's what guilty people say, too!

      If you were innocent, then don't you think it's time to ACT innocent? To stand up for your rights! Then get your record expunged! If you don't, then you have no one to blame but yourself for having a criminal record that says you were guilty.

      Is that *really* the lesson you want to teach your kids? "Don't stand up for your rights. Just give up." That's teaching your kids to be victims...and to ACCEPT being victims! Surely you don't want that for your kids.

      As far as child support goes, go to Legal Aid and ask for help. They are *not* the same thing as a public defender. Heck...go to a private lawyer. They'll give you a free consultation. You can learn from them...for free...what options are available to you.

      You had a public defender because you were accused of a crime. Now you're standing up for your rights. You don't have to deal with a public defender. but a lawyer who's on *your* side. And don't forget. You can *still* decide, after talking to a lawyer, that you don't want to pursue the matter.

      But if you don't even try to check out alternatives? Then your ex keeps winning. He keeps beating you...without having to do a darned thing. Just like he wins when you don't even try to get your record expunged. Why on earth do you want him to keep winning???

      I don't know what your personal circumstances are. I have a friend who moved her and her son away from her jerk ex. He never found her. But she still went after and got child support until their son turned 18. How? Because child support can be done anonymously.

      So, please...if nothing else, talk to a lawyer about getting your record expunged. Then you will be *known* to be innocent...and he will *not* have won. Isn't that worth it?

      Good luck!

      August 29, 2012 at 12:11 am | Report abuse |
  55. obsthetimes

    This is a necessary and good bill. However physical abuse is just one category of abuse which will skew the benefit towards women.
    Mental abuse and cheating should also be barriers to receiving alimony. Why should one pay alimony to somebody who cheated on them. Finally this law should protect both genders.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:42 pm | Report abuse |
    • Mark

      My worry will be that the number of women who would get stuck paying alimony, will all of a sudden have abusive husbands and not have to pay dime. So, I'm thinking this bill is too narrow in scope and should be used to cover all forms of abuse and infidelity.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:51 pm | Report abuse |
      • Ellen

        it still has to be proven, like say with a video camera, as in this case.

        August 27, 2012 at 2:53 pm | Report abuse |
  56. jackie

    You are sick if that is what you believe! Get help now. If you are married I feel bad for your wife does she know that she married a man that has no respect for women?

    August 27, 2012 at 2:41 pm | Report abuse |
  57. Tom

    DEBO – "It's very disturbing that this is happening to anyone! Man or woman. No person deserves to be abused then be forced to take care of their abuser, its like he's being rewarded for commiting a crime. Makes no sense at all".

    Well DEBO this has been happening to men everywhere since no-fault divorce laws were legislated in the 70's. If you are going to abolish no-fault alimony, why not do it equally for both genders?

    August 27, 2012 at 2:38 pm | Report abuse |
  58. Cannabis

    How can a woman be raped by her husband? That doesn't make sense. Something is fishy with her story.

    Cannabis

    August 27, 2012 at 2:38 pm | Report abuse |
    • Really?

      ...if he forcibly had intercourse with her against her will its still rape.

      Thats how.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:41 pm | Report abuse |
    • Lorelei Kraft

      This is an old-fashioned attitude, that once a woman is married the man can do anything to her. If she says "No," the answer is NO. You have no idea what he's done to have her not want to be intimate with him. She is not his property.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:42 pm | Report abuse |
      • obsthetimes

        What will stop women from alleging rape everyday? You have a good point, but the bar for proving rape should be set higher than in other cases.
        The marriage has to count for something.

        August 27, 2012 at 2:44 pm | Report abuse |
        • MashaSobaka

          The "bar for proving rape" is already so high that it's impossible to meet for most victims. Even with genital damage and semen inside the victim, convictions are extremely rare. Do your research before mouthing off.

          August 27, 2012 at 2:55 pm | Report abuse |
        • Punkmonk

          She had the rape caught on tape. There's your proof.

          August 27, 2012 at 3:07 pm | Report abuse |
      • Jesse

        Just as outdated as alimony.

        August 27, 2012 at 3:26 pm | Report abuse |
    • prubio

      you have to be kidding right?

      August 27, 2012 at 2:42 pm | Report abuse |
    • Jill G

      How can a woman be raped by her husband???? Are you kidding me??? Anyone who is forced into sex by anyone else has been raped. It doesn't matter if they are married or not. A marriage license doesn't give anyone the right to force their spouse to have sex. I'm sorry but that was a dumb question.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:43 pm | Report abuse |
    • lasvegas

      R u kidding me? Just because you are married doesnt mean you have to give it up anytime the other one wants it!

      August 27, 2012 at 2:43 pm | Report abuse |
    • Donna

      When sex is forced, married or not, it is RAPE. No woman has to have sex with her husband. If he forcibly takes it...RAPE.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:46 pm | Report abuse |
    • Motty

      A wife cannot be raped if she and her husband both agree that she is only the man's property and does not have the rights of a human being. I, for one, do not believe that a husband has the right to use or abuse his wife any way he chooses. I don't know where that sick idea came from but whenever I've come across situations of abuse like that I've intervened.
      "You don't have any right to tell me how I should treat my wife!"
      "Yes I do, because you're on my planet and I won't have it."

      August 27, 2012 at 2:46 pm | Report abuse |
      • Cheese Wonton

        Read "People v Liberta" an New York Supreme Court case for the complete repudiation of the notion that a wife cannot be raped by her husband.

        August 27, 2012 at 2:50 pm | Report abuse |
    • Cheese Wonton

      All 50 states criminalize spousal rape. The old idea that marriage implies unlimited access even if the wife says no has been disposed of, and rightfully so.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:47 pm | Report abuse |
      • Anonymous

        Of course this only applies to husbands not wives.

        August 28, 2012 at 1:32 pm | Report abuse |
    • argh!

      please don't ruin the good name of cannabis with a question like that.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:58 pm | Report abuse |
    • Joy

      I don't know if you are a man or woman, Cannabis, but I will assume that you are a man. Let us suppose you get home from work and grab your wife by the throat, you punch her in her face and continue to beat her for half an hour to a point where she thinks she is dying. You then tear off her clothes and have sex with her. What would you call that sex act? Is that not rape? No woman would be willing to have sex with a man who just brutalized her so the sex act is not consentual.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:20 pm | Report abuse |
    • Becky

      Your an idiot. Just because a man and woman are married doesn't mean that the sex is always consentual. If you were being abused by your spouse would you want to have sex with him/her? You obviously don't know much about how bad an abusive relationship can be. Again, before you speak you need to learn about abuse and how ihorrible it can be.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:21 pm | Report abuse |
  59. Po Boy

    Someone needs to be the crap out of that judge and force him/her to engage in oral copulation!

    August 27, 2012 at 2:37 pm | Report abuse |
    • FuzzyWuzzy

      Po Boy – Sounds like you're advocating violence against a judge. The FBI will come knocking... answer... don't run... they mean business.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:39 pm | Report abuse |
  60. Tom

    Will this new law have equal protections for both genders? Will a male breadwinner who has been abused by his wife during the marriage (physical, emotional, verbal, or financial) have the same alimony protections?

    August 27, 2012 at 2:34 pm | Report abuse |
    • PremeditatedSetup

      Tom – Of course not. Lawyers can't bill if eveything's equitable. Someone has to be defending themselves against palpable injustice. That's the man, the source of finances.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:36 pm | Report abuse |
    • prubio

      if he can prove the abuse, yes. Its not like women can just claim abuse without any proof

      August 27, 2012 at 2:43 pm | Report abuse |
      • Howie

        "Its not like women can just claim abuse without any proof" did you actually just type that with a straight face? Of course they can, it happens every day in every court in the country.

        August 27, 2012 at 4:08 pm | Report abuse |
    • Satan

      A good question, and the answer is likely a resounding no. Probably because men don't report abuse. We're wired to "deal with it"...which is why so many of us end up going to jail. Women know this and sometimes quite effectively use that biological quirk to their advantage. I am absolutely not saying all women are like that. There are plenty of terrible human beings of both sexes to go around. Because of that, men will never get fairly treated in cases of child support, alimony, or domestic disturbances. The assumption 100% of the time is that it's a man beating up on a woman, and that's why we'll never benefit from such a law.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:49 pm | Report abuse |
    • Punkmonk

      I don't know if this law will cover the rights of both genders. The next time a woman beats the crap out of her husband and then rapes him in their home lets see how the judge reads into that law. I'm so tired of men complaining about how "Hard" and "unfair" the legal system/life is for them. Whatever, these laws were put in place largely by men for men. get over it. And, Great Job woman for setting the Judge straight on that crazy, good 'ol boy ruling!

      August 27, 2012 at 3:12 pm | Report abuse |
  61. opiepaul

    You GO girl!! Don't give the bast*rd one penny!

    August 27, 2012 at 2:33 pm | Report abuse |
    • PremeditatedSetup

      poiepaul – spoken like a dyke.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:34 pm | Report abuse |
      • Nadith

        Says the knuckle dragging scared little man.

        August 27, 2012 at 2:44 pm | Report abuse |
    • Jesse

      We have two separate issues here. First off is an battery charge and the guy is in prison (rightfully so). Second issue is Family court and the concept of Alimony. Alimony is severely outdated and NO one should receive money period. Kids should be the only ones receiving money with strict supervision to make sure neither mother or father misappropiate the funds. IT HAPPENS.

      In this case I side with the woman, however women own up to it there are those who abuse the system. The courts are biased against men. My mother took off when I was 6 months old. My father raised me with the help of his family. During the time my father got a divorce from my mother the state of MA tried to put me in foster care (Italian kid in South Boston) I was fortunate my family in Wellesley had money. I was so fortunate for their support to my father and me. My father almost lost custody due to prejudice against men (it happens). The foster care system in MA back in 79-81 and even so today had huge flaws. Kids were severely abused while the family took the money from the state to live off of.

      We need a modernization of family court laws; Laws that were around since the founding of this country, when women didn't work or vote. However now Women can be Billionaires and Secretary of State and Presidential candidates. So unless you have a person who spent their entire life as a stay at home spouse. No Alimony period! Child support should be regulated and the formula changed drastically, As well as people who rightfully have to pay support, can't sneak out of payments. Even in a job change the new W4 would automatically be flagged for withdrawls.

      Lastly Child support should ONLY be for married couples. I say this because a women has the right to choose to have a baby or not. She makes the decision soley herself regardless of the Man's input and that is her right, however in that right she can not claim someone else's money. So that is something a woman needs to take responsibility on as well.

      There is a lot of back and forth on here but we have several issues floating around at once. The fact is Alimony is an outdated concept as well as the fact that you are entitled to a lifestyle even if things no longer work out.

      Numero uno is protect the kids. My mother moved on to a few other men and her kids she did keep are in and out of trouble with the law numerous times over. I on the other hand came from a very good family and i aspire to be the kind of father mine was to me, Which is hard because he was so amazing as a dad. If I was half as good as he was I will be better than average.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:01 pm | Report abuse |
      • Punkmonk

        @Jesse. I can agree with you that Alimony is an outdated law/policy and we could all do without it. But having the state regulate my already meager child support is unacceptable. It's too much intrusion and the state has no right to tell me what is appropriate use of these funds are (this month it is going to rent, is that acceptable for the state?) besides, 150.00 a month doesn't even cover 1/5 of my cost for daycare to work what I decide is best for the "interest" of my child in regards to spending the child support I receive from her deadbeat loser non-working father that is riding the system is MY business.
        Alimony on the other hand, is largely unnecessary. I could see it to be a fair decision if the woman (or man) was a stay at home parent for like 20 years and unable to realistically re-enter the workforce.

        August 27, 2012 at 3:24 pm | Report abuse |
        • Jesse

          @ponkmonk

          Exactly a a person who spent their ENTIRE marriage at home raising kids deserves alimony for a limited time to get back on their feet is acceptable.

          The concept of the state regulating (as inept as government is not the specific point I was trying to make). I was concerned about abuses of that money, which you know some people do. I recently advised a good friend who was battling an abuse of funds situation to not give money directly. He gave hannafords grocery cards and did ALL the childs clothes shopping. So his contribution came out to the 450 a month (She pays for school supplies and comcast( only game in town sadly)). Luckily they are still very friendly with each other. 150 in today's food market seems on the low end.

          Groceries for the child or children only
          Clothes for the children only
          healthcare

          All should be divided in a manor that covers the kid but not unfairly burdening one parent. In your case 150 a month even for a girl does not cover groceries. In your case he is sadly a deadbeat. However I know people who have used that money for cosmetic work.

          People who give you a bad name.

          Basically I am trying to say is there needs to be a way to make sure that the money goes 100% to the child. Will the state accomplish that probably not. However as long as even .01 of parents abuse child support that gives the rest a bad name.

          August 27, 2012 at 3:45 pm | Report abuse |
  62. DEBO

    She has suffered enough. She does not owe him a thing. He needs to get a job and support himself and get some help. It's very disturbing that this is happening to anyone! Man or woman. No person deserves to be abused then be forced to take care of their abuser, its like he's being rewarded for commiting a crime. Makes no sense at al

    August 27, 2012 at 2:30 pm | Report abuse |
    • PremeditatedSetup

      DEBO – everyday in corrupt Ameircan family courts MEN are told to pay an abusive ex-wife alimony in perpetuity. Welcome to the nonsense. Don;t like it? It then goes both ways... stop alimony altogether.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:34 pm | Report abuse |
    • obsthetimes

      Yes, this only applies for women. Men are supposed to suffer in silence.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:46 pm | Report abuse |
  63. Andy

    While I feel very strongly that men are routinely mistreated in family court, not in this case. The judge was dead wrong to order support. Except for self defense, there is no valid reason to strike a woman. There is never a valid reason to force one's sexual intentions where they are not wanted.

    I do not understand why the husband is not in jail. It seems to me that a few laws have been broken here.

    This goes in the same pile as the article last week where the woman was ordered to grant visitation rights to a man that raped her resulting in pregnancy.

    Any wonder people are fed up?

    August 27, 2012 at 2:28 pm | Report abuse |
    • Bill

      When you get married, you sign a contract. You agree to be partners. Part of that agreement may include 1 spouse staying home. By making that choice, that spouse's earning potential is *permanently* damaged. If/when they get divorced, the stay-at-home spouse will *never* earn as much money as they could have if they had worked during that time. Experience == $$. Conversely, the working spouse earned their experience at a direct cost to the stay-at-home spouse, in exchange for raising the kids, cleaning the house, paying the bills... whatever the agreement was. In effect, the stay-at-home spouse EARNED that experience, and income, by doing alternate work FOR the working spouse.

      The presence of abuse, or cheating, or anger, or depression, or anything else, does not change that fact. A cheating wife still gets alimony. A wife that lies to her husband for years before finally owning up and saying "I never loved you", absolutely destroying him, still gets alimony. In both cases in fact, historically, the wife still still gets full custody of the kids.

      Without the money, this guys life would be ruined forever. How can you possibly demand that without even knowing the real details of the case (All you have is a couple quotes from the wife here... how do you know she wasn't doing stuff right back at him... Abuse is more than physical, women are very capable of it, men are more than able to suffer).

      More than once I've seen/heard working women berate and belittle their "stay-at-home" husbands for being lesser men. Society still does not accept stay-at-home men as "Men". They are incapable of supporting their families. Depression and anger in response is typical. I'm not a psychologist, and I don't have studies to back this up off-hand even though I'm sure I've read on it at least once, just anecdotes... But they're just as valid as the anecdotes provided in this story.

      The courts are unbalanced and sexist. This law is the equivalent of wiping a cancer patients nose and saying "Cured!".

      August 27, 2012 at 2:47 pm | Report abuse |
      • MashaSobaka

        You're seriously comparing rape to a nagging wife? Are you f***ing kidding me?

        August 27, 2012 at 2:56 pm | Report abuse |
        • Anonymous

          Rapes are single acts of abuse.Verbal and emotional abuse is an ongoing thing. Every woman uses it to pussywhip their men into submission. Then when the men start retaliating we are branded as scum. Physical abuse is evil,so is Verbal and emotional abuse.

          August 28, 2012 at 1:53 pm | Report abuse |
      • Bill

        If you're talking to me, MashaSobaka, no, I'm not.

        I'm comparing abuse to abuse. Abuse is not merely physical. Berating and belittling your spouse is not "a nagging wife", it is mental abuse. A nagging wife tells you to take out the trash, or put down the toilet seat. An abusive wife tells you you're not a man because you don't earn any money. You don't get to have s x tonight because the real man, the one that makes all the money, is going out. It is far worse than, as you put it, "a nagging wife." It is the same tactic used to brainwash people.

        So what I'm doing is pointing out that abuse CAN be 2-way, and without the FULL story, you can't possibly tell if this court case was just or not. It is, yet again, absolutely disgustingly HORRIBLE reporting from CNN.

        August 27, 2012 at 3:10 pm | Report abuse |
  64. beenraped

    Who here thinks that commonman is actually the husband in this case? Or a friend or relative? Show of hands please! The verbiage is too hateful and bitter, not to mention nonsensical, to not have a personal stake in this. Perhaps if he treated women better he wouldn't be so bitter? Just saying...

    August 27, 2012 at 2:27 pm | Report abuse |
    • Carol

      I think you're right! He's a total idiot and obviously a woman hater.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:30 pm | Report abuse |
    • FuzzyWuzzy

      beenraped – just ignore the trolls advocating justice and equity... they'll never realize it in our lifetimes anyway... lol

      August 27, 2012 at 2:40 pm | Report abuse |
  65. Sam

    You miss the point, he attackers her. It's on tape. So your point is moot. Men have no rights? That's laughable if your viewpoint wasn't so absurd and disgusting.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:27 pm | Report abuse |
  66. c

    If this bill is signed into law there will probably be men claiming abuse, and avoiding alimony payments as well.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:25 pm | Report abuse |
    • Erica

      Me

      August 27, 2012 at 2:37 pm | Report abuse |
    • obsthetimes

      Er. So only the women should be allowed to get away with that ?

      August 27, 2012 at 2:47 pm | Report abuse |
  67. Sue

    Wow...I hope you're single and some poor woman (albiet stupid) isn't married to you or dating you.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:24 pm | Report abuse |
  68. Survivor

    I am appalled at many of the comments made by some readers of this column. Please do not turn this issue into female vs. male. It is about abuser vs. victim. Either can be either gender, but that is not the point of this article. The point that this woman is trying to make is that the victim (male or female) should not be required to pay their abuser/attacker (male or female) anything at all. If you were attacked by another person would you believe it right in any way, legally or ethically, for you to be ordered to pay them? I think not! And, just because the abuser/attacker is a former spouse does not entitle them. This is not a gender issue. It is an abuse issue has been served a great injustice by the court system.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:23 pm | Report abuse |
    • PremeditatedSetup

      Survivor – She taped a sex act in the privacy of their marriage. She's guilty of a felony. Stop your nonsense. She's clearly the manipulator – as MOST women are. "poor we"... booo hooo hooo hooo hhooooo

      August 27, 2012 at 2:32 pm | Report abuse |
    • lt9951

      Well said!

      August 27, 2012 at 2:56 pm | Report abuse |
  69. PoorMen

    michaelshawn – The agenda of this conspiracy is to dissuade men from procreating... a form of genocide... threats from a corrupt court system make ANY MAN touching ANY ONE a possible life sentence now... it's TYRANNY... not joking.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:23 pm | Report abuse |
    • Nadith

      I hope you're sterile. Please don't bring other hateful, ignorant little trolls into this world.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:47 pm | Report abuse |
    • dalgal

      please stop talking. you are being hypocritical in your posts about women rights, tyranny, unfair system caused by women. just stop talking. you are doing the same thing from a male perspective. its annoying.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:48 pm | Report abuse |
  70. Larry

    This is horrible. However, it is still two separate issues. Furthermore, it is the law, especially in a state like California.

    Would someone contact Akin to determine if this meets the "Legitimate" criteria?

    August 27, 2012 at 2:22 pm | Report abuse |
  71. PoorMen

    I'm a woman and admit men are held up in famliy court and the kids are harmed by courts. Anyone who disagrees is part of the conspiracy.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:17 pm | Report abuse |
  72. mike

    So...wait...she doesn't have to support the kids? This is screwed up. How does the father still have them if he did these things?

    August 27, 2012 at 2:17 pm | Report abuse |
    • CLEpost

      It does not say she had to pay child support, it says spousal support (alimony). I'm sure she has the kids. My question is, does the moron who ordered her to pay this in the first place still sit on the bench? I sure hope not.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:23 pm | Report abuse |
    • Jonathan

      She pays alimony, not child support. Basically he's claiming that he can't support himself. Obviously she has custody of the kids.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:23 pm | Report abuse |
      • obsthetimes

        Its not a question of support. Alimony is the differential between the lifestyle one had during a marriage and the current lifestyle.

        August 27, 2012 at 2:49 pm | Report abuse |
    • Brian

      Idiot, she doesn't have to pay alimony.. child support is different than alimony.. what a retard.. get some knowledge before you open your mouth

      August 27, 2012 at 2:25 pm | Report abuse |
      • obsthetimes

        Why not? Alimony is the differential between the lifestyle one had during a marriage and the current lifestyle they can afford.

        August 27, 2012 at 2:50 pm | Report abuse |
    • 19Minutes

      No, Alimony and Child Support are two different things. Alimony goes to the ex-spouse. Child support goes to the children.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:27 pm | Report abuse |
    • DesertRat

      Alimony isn't child support–it's solely for the former spouse.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:28 pm | Report abuse |
    • Thelma Moore

      He doesn't have the kids. It's alimony, not child support. Because he didn't work and she did. His actions however should nullify the alimony he would have gotten otherwise.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:33 pm | Report abuse |
      • obsthetimes

        Yes, as long as the law is applied both ways.

        August 27, 2012 at 2:51 pm | Report abuse |
    • Ex-moissie

      Alimony is different than child support and according to this article, the woman is NOT objecting to pay for the support of their children but to pay her abuser alimony after a divorce is an insult and should not be allowed. I have a first hand experience with a California Family Court Judge whose ruling could not have been more wrong so yes, this decision should be publicized and corrected. Good for her to object and fight this! A lot of us don't have the financial resources to fight these ridiculous judgments.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:34 pm | Report abuse |
    • jnpa

      I don't think he has the kids. When they got divorced she probably got custody of the kids and also had to pay spousal support for him. That is what the $1000/month is.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:35 pm | Report abuse |
    • whereIsTheRestOfTheInfo?

      Alimony and child support are for support of the children. Obviously she is the breadwinner in that family. If she does not have the children living with her, she is obligated to support them. Period. For the childrens sake. Dont confuse this as payment for what he did to her. There is no excuse for that providing we hav ethe facts on this. So if the situation was so violent, why are the children still living with him? The court would not allow a violent man to have custody of the children if there is any indication he could harm them. She does not want them? What is going on here since this whole thing smells fishy. I think sorting out the truth and all the facts is in order to make any judgments. I can see how people can ramp up their feelings and use stories like this to further their own agendas. Let us examine our own motives for the actions we demonstrate.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:56 pm | Report abuse |
  73. Aggiekat

    And as someone who has suffered abuse at the hands of MULTIPLE men, it's more complex than you know. Not all women are emotionally abusive. In general, I think women give freely and try to nurture. When you play games with them, they react. Women in general are reactionary, and don't go out of their way to find ways to make your life hell. We just want to be loved. So if a woman is "abusing" you, you should ask yourself what you might have done to deserve it.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:17 pm | Report abuse |
    • garyford

      Oh, I see, and if a man is "abusing" you, you should ask yourself what you might have done to deserve it.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:33 pm | Report abuse |
    • 11043

      "So if a woman is "abusing" you, you should ask yourself what you might have done to deserve it." This opinion is sickening. I am going to use this line, only in reverse, every time I hear of a woman getting abused. What did she do to deserve it? Thank you. You have given me the exact verbage and the motivation to dismiss every female complaint of abuse from now on.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:46 pm | Report abuse |
  74. Kim

    Go to hell Johnny 5 and the rest of you men out there. You have the nerve to say men are losing respect for women when you f*ckers have been trying to control women since the dawn of time; using rape as a weapon of war, trying to legislate our reproductive systems while giving yourselves all the access to viagra you can handle, buying sex and keeping the sex trafficking industry alive and well. You bastards never had respect for women in the first place! I hope you get raped by a big strong black guy with herpes.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:17 pm | Report abuse |
  75. argh!

    my heart goes out to this woman and her children. i hope she and her children can move past and upward. i married a guy and he quit working shortly after we married he began living like a bachelor. in the beginning i jumped through hoops trying to get him back into the workforce,school or something. after he made it clear that he wasn't planning to work again i stopped paying thousands for our children's daycare while i worked 16 hours a day and prompted him to raise our children to give him a sense of purpose. the drinking turned to alcoholism, verbal abuse, destroying our home, belongings, then threatening to kill me, telling our kids he was going to bury me in the back yard. on to rape, then the end, the night he hit me while holding our newborn son because i questioned why our other son was allowed up playing video games at 1230am on a elementary school night. some guys are just not good. they do awful things. there are women out there too that do awful things,i saw that in the domestic violence courtroom. after it was drug out for an entire year i finally got my divorce, but not before this moron threatened to sue me for alimony, take my retirement, etc etc. it is a horrible situation to be in. my ex was given time sharing and has yet to pay child support or visit his kids for more than a chance meeting in public by his choice. i still look over my shoulder a lot as this woman will do until the day we die. truth is both men and women can be awful, but laws should be there to protect both as i have seen horrible examples from both men and women. when you have little kids Love Stinks anyways and marriage is a farce. but hey, at least we have football and netflix!

    August 27, 2012 at 2:17 pm | Report abuse |
    • PoorMen

      so you say honey... unsubstabntiated hearsay... inadmissible in any honest jurisdiction... except corrupt famliy court... you heathen...

      August 27, 2012 at 2:19 pm | Report abuse |
      • Sam

        Did you read it, it is on tape. And there is evidence of rape. So according to you no rape is provable and all hearsay. There are times that testimony is a key part of conviction.

        August 27, 2012 at 2:25 pm | Report abuse |
  76. Rainey

    I separate from my spouse after he sodomized me twice after 12 years of marriage. 3 months later I find out that he put his hands on my minor child (from a previous marriage) just 3 months before I separated from. The prosecutor brought charges against him for the child abuse. My civil divorce has taken a back seat to his criminal charges. Two different judges between the two court rooms in the same county. The final decree may have me bearing his attorney fees for the divorces since my income is 3x more, but then I'm funding his criminal trial to defend himself from my child? And all this after being screamed at and berated for 10 years? Tell me if you think this fair. I'm all for protecting me and my child from having to stay in contact with my abuser after settlement.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:17 pm | Report abuse |
    • PoorMen

      Rainey – Liar. In reality, "it hurt" and you had "butt remorse"... so you framed him as a pdeo. Typical hysterical female vindictive... shame on you... G_D knows your dirty deeds and I pray your victim survives your attack.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:21 pm | Report abuse |
      • CLEpost

        PoorMen: if you are indeed serious with these posts and not just a troll, you are one sick individual.

        August 27, 2012 at 2:28 pm | Report abuse |
        • Anonymous

          Why is it that when men spew out such garbage they're all haters and scumbags? Yet when the women do the same thing nothing gets said about that. FemNazi Hypocrites !

          August 28, 2012 at 2:02 pm | Report abuse |
    • John

      Get a revolver, shoot him.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:24 pm | Report abuse |
    • revictimization

      I thought criminals were not supposed to profit from their crimes? How does a person get convicted, then get alimony? That sounds like profitting from his/her crime, does it not?

      August 27, 2012 at 2:29 pm | Report abuse |
  77. Jh

    You're disgusting.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:15 pm | Report abuse |
  78. Andrew

    Man..you should be put in jail for that remark..u r one seriously sick dude...Maybe one day a big sick man will rape ur butt...see how u feel then..ahole.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:15 pm | Report abuse |
  79. Aggiekat

    Your views are probably as shown above because you are one of those men who thinks it's okay to abuse your wife...she is your "property." Not cool.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:14 pm | Report abuse |
  80. Christopher

    Actually this law seems absurd. The reason he is being paid alimony is he gave up his economic freedom to be a stay at home parent. It's part of the divsion of assetts after a divorce. It has nothing to do with her being raped. That is a seperate issue. My question is why didn't she file charges? Then a civil suit to recover damages which I'm sure would be more than any alimony he was to be paid. Something about this lady's situation doesn't smell right to me. And we have no information about his side of the story. For all we know her "encounter" was faked.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:13 pm | Report abuse |
    • Libby

      I totally agree that the ABUSED should not pay the ABUSER alimony. As for giving up his job to be a stay-at-home parent, I seriously doubt he gave up anything. I doubt childcare costs were an issue in this case. I believe alimony is a farce anyway. Child support is a must as it helps to care for children. I hope she helped alot of women and men who are abused to not have to support their abuser anymore than they already have.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:22 pm | Report abuse |
    • Sam

      The reson for the divorce was his abuse. So why should she have to pay him? You miss the point and defend the attacker. The marriage contract is void if abuse insues. He stayed home with the kids, alimony isn't for the kids its only for sposal support, that is why you can be childless and get it. Child support is for the kids. Lawyered!

      August 27, 2012 at 2:22 pm | Report abuse |
  81. JP

    Howie, what you're describing kinda sounds like a financial transaction. Isn't that prostitution? My first husband was selfish in bed and I wasn't in the mood very often, but he expected sex anyway. My current husband, to whom I've been married for 34 years, has always made sure I enjoyed sex too. Guess what? I've pretty much always been in the mood when he was!

    August 27, 2012 at 2:12 pm | Report abuse |
    • Howie

      Marriage is ALWAYS a financial transaction, and yes, it is certainly prostitution by certain definitions.

      August 27, 2012 at 4:20 pm | Report abuse |
  82. Happy2BeMe

    Howie – A spouse can refuse for ANY reason whether the other spouse thinks its a valid reason or not. It's true a spouse is not supposed to seek satisfaction outside of the marriage. If the one spouse says NO – then no it is for however long that is. Not receiving satisfaction and don't want to stray? Go to a marriage therapist.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:09 pm | Report abuse |
  83. JQP1172

    [as a man]
    For all you "it is a wife's duty" and "wife is violating the marriage contract if she does not put out", IF she is not putting out on a regular basis and you are unhappy about it then get the balls to divorce or STFU. Ridiculous. Life is too short to be unhappy. So stop complaining and man up and divorce or again STFU.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:08 pm | Report abuse |
    • CommonMan

      JQ1172 – So according to you... a long-term wife can just 'shut off one day" and you should get a divorce so she can take HALF your assets, and drain your future with alimony? YOU SOUND LIKE A FOS a lawyer... a cretin who profits from divorces. We know your type. You're the American terrorist.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:14 pm | Report abuse |
      • JQP1172

        Not at all. First marry an equal who believes in career as well as family and you will find LESS discrepancy between your earnings and her. BUT if you are too weak to marry an equal and wish to marry someone well below your level then your gonna get what ya deserve on that. Personally, I married an equal. Should a divroce happen, there will not be huge discrepancies between earnings and neither will have to pay through the nose.

        Second anyone can have an "off day" but if the problem is chronic then yes, man the f up and divorce OR quit the friggin complaining. Bad as a 2 year year old. Cry and complain but if things cannot be improved will not exit the situation and divorce.

        August 27, 2012 at 2:25 pm | Report abuse |
      • revictimization

        CommonMan – you sound like you are bitter from experience. That's a shame, but your story isn't everyone's story.

        Plenty of couples split ammicably, and divy up their assets in a fair manner. It's usually when one, or both parties has a huge ego at stake that the 'war of the roses' begins.

        Also would like to point out that you appear to be a pervert and a troglodite as far as your thinking cpapacities go...

        August 27, 2012 at 2:39 pm | Report abuse |
  84. Amy

    I wish they cared enough in Missouri to do this. Apparently spousal abuse means your husband is keeping you in line and it is perfectly normal and legal.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:08 pm | Report abuse |
  85. Nunuv Yurbiz

    So basically, now that women are increasingly having to pay child support and alimony, the alimony rules will be changed to favor women. Nice. Mental abuse by a woman is just as damaging as physical abuse by a man, and it's about time that abuse by women be recognized for what it is and treated accordingly. This "heads I win, tails you lose" view which treats men and women so differently in the courts (not just in divorce) has got to end. Why would any man get married in today's world?

    August 27, 2012 at 2:07 pm | Report abuse |
    • Johnny Five

      Amen brother. Glad to see someone speak up. Marriage is for chumps.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:09 pm | Report abuse |
      • CLEpost

        No, marriage is for decent people. You sir, are the chump.

        August 27, 2012 at 2:34 pm | Report abuse |
  86. Male

    Her face says I am a liar. I am really puzzled by the legal system we have. I do not understand it. It gives a free ride for those who usually lie and can get away with it.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:04 pm | Report abuse |
    • CommonMan

      OUR "honorable" system gives preference to the wealthier litigant... like an auction house... and nothing more... lying is accomplished when a fancy lawyer does it for you.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:07 pm | Report abuse |
    • Female

      You're clearly an idiot.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:13 pm | Report abuse |
  87. CommonMan

    Reality – A wife who's not doing you is doing someone else... either in their mind or in reality. FORCE HER – OR DIVORCE HER. It she doesn't fit... you must quit.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:03 pm | Report abuse |
    • none

      I can only hope that this is just a plea for attention. I can't believe anyone in this century and country would every BELIEVE that.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:08 pm | Report abuse |
    • beenraped

      CommonMan said "Reality – A wife who's not doing you is doing someone else... either in their mind or in reality. FORCE HER – OR DIVORCE HER. It she doesn't fit... you must quit."

      So let me get this straight, you should rape your wife if she isn't "doing you"? Nice. I certainly hope you are not the "common" man.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:18 pm | Report abuse |
    • JP

      ***CommonMan Reality – A wife who's not doing you is doing someone else... either in their mind or in reality. FORCE HER – OR DIVORCE HER. It she doesn't fit... you must quit***
      Gosh CommonMan, maybe if you were any good at it, she'd be more willing to "do" you.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:20 pm | Report abuse |
    • LAURIE

      Are you KIDDING ME, Common Man? Maybe I am missing the sarcastic "tone" in your response, because if not, your ideas, your very thinking, is so Neanderthal as to be a caricature of unevolved thought. Much like that poor old Akins idiot who spouted his antiquated and scientifically illegitimate belief in the magical-rape-sperm-resistant-uterus to a national audience and made an utter fool of himself, you expressed one of the worst, most vitriolic, chillingly anti-fem hate speech ideas with your "FORCE HER OR DIVORCE HER" motto that advocates spousal rape, and puts you in a class of males who think only with their small heads. As much as you may LIKE to think yourself a well-educated man, the truth is, you are nothing more than the sum of your private parts.

      August 27, 2012 at 3:35 pm | Report abuse |
  88. Scott Abfalter

    For the record this happens in other cases. I was abused (not raped, but abused) by my ex-wife and yet still pay nearly half of my paycheck in alimony. I still go to a therapist to deal with issues from the abuse. That is a tough check to write out every month. My heart goes out to this woman whose terrible case makes my own look like peanuts.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:03 pm | Report abuse |
    • CommonMan

      Notice – You're the abused... a man... and fored to pay alimony... and no one's scripting any special legislation for you... it's called, gender biased and it's unconstitutional.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:05 pm | Report abuse |
    • nala777

      My ex hit me too. A bunch of times. So I second you on that one. Men who report this kind of abuse are often just laughed at by the Police as a joke. The system is all messed up.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:11 pm | Report abuse |
  89. CommonMan

    Lawyers make MORE MONEY when the assume the woman is telling the truth and cause the man to spend defending himself. LAWYER ECONOMICS 101. It's dirty, unconstitutional, and felony conspiracy... RICO actionable. Don't tolerate it.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:01 pm | Report abuse |
    • tj

      It wasn't he said/she said. There was video.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:09 pm | Report abuse |
  90. CommonMan

    REASONABLE DOUBT – For years of marriage she LOVED being forced to submit when she got home from her dull day at the office... it;'s called erotica... then one day when she found another lover and wanted a divorce from her useless husband... she decided to avoid alimony... and claimed, "Rape"... after staging a video camera for the every night routine... hum... REASONABLE DOUBT... I think so... Plausible. Possible. NOT GUILTY... yet a man has been convicted by the dishonest court system again. What a disgrace.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:00 pm | Report abuse |
    • Michele

      Is your name Akin?

      August 27, 2012 at 2:06 pm | Report abuse |
    • JB

      You are an idiot AH!!!!

      August 27, 2012 at 2:19 pm | Report abuse |
  91. Scott Abfalter

    Howie: You are just dead wrong. Part of the marriage contract is the expectation of sexual exclusivity, true. But that does NOT mean that the other spouse is compelled in any way to have sex when they do not want to. Period.

    If you have sex with someone who refuses sex, married or not, that is rape. Period.

    If you are married and you have a spouse who refuses sex then you DO have another option besides rape or abstinence: divorce.

    You may not believe divorce is right (who knows). But if ANYTHING it is the lesser evil compared to rape.

    Forcing yourself on someone is a terrible thing. To do that to a spouse whom you proclaim to love is beyond evil.

    You have zero ground to stand on in this debate. You are just flat wrong.

    August 27, 2012 at 2:00 pm | Report abuse |
  92. Kellie

    OMG, I just read "Howie's" response and I am having a difficult time not becoming physically sick to my stomach on my desk. Where, exactly, Howie, does it say this in what contract: "Part of the marriage contract is to be the only source of one another's $exual satisfaction. You are not given the choice to go elsewhere." There are so many marriages that have the spoken or possibly unspoken agreement to "go elsewhere" and anytime a person (man or woman) forces himself or herself on another person whether it be inside a marriage or not, is rape. Get your facts straight. It's people that think like you that allow rape to continue.

    August 27, 2012 at 1:58 pm | Report abuse |
  93. Ellen

    Well Howie, the laws say otherwise, and that there is such a thing as marital rape. You do not have to comply with whatever the other spouse wants if you are not comfortable with a particular act or simply do not want it at that precise moment. Say your loving wife wants to use a strap-on on you, would you comply? With your logic you would have to or she can file for a divorce.

    August 27, 2012 at 1:58 pm | Report abuse |
  94. Jess

    Howie, you apparently don't understand the definition of rape. RAPE is when someone forces themselves sexually upon another person. PERIOD. That can happen in a marriage or out of it: no means no regardless of the marital status (and by the way, a man can be raped in or out of marriage also. It's just not as prevalant as women being raped by abusive husbands).

    In a marriage contract you promise to be faithful, sexually, to your parther. You do NOT become your partner's sexual property, nor do you give up the right to say no at any time for any reason. Your ignorance of the definition of rape is disturbing, sexist and incorrect. There is ABSOLUTELY rape within marriage. Are you friends with Akin, perhaps?

    August 27, 2012 at 1:57 pm | Report abuse |
  95. Hayden

    Crazy, a male would be paying...in fact I know of male service member that have documented spouse abuse from the blotter, of the female spouse, prior to deployment and when he returned she was knocked up by another man proving adultry, and he has to pay her for the rest of his life...this woman is smart enough to pull in 6 figures, I think she could easily have staged the video and audio arguments, it is just a double standard...I bet Bobbit has to pay spouse support if his wife ever gets out of jail...

    August 27, 2012 at 1:55 pm | Report abuse |
    • Michele

      US law states the husband is the father of any child born while the marriage is in force, regardless of biology. Don't like it? Talk to your representatives about changing it.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:08 pm | Report abuse |
      • Des

        It is the law and so terrible. That has to be one the most ridiculous things ever. So if a man fathers a child with another woman while he is legally married does the wife have to pay for the the chiild support.

        August 27, 2012 at 2:28 pm | Report abuse |
      • AcidProf

        Obviously, some one with a chip on her shoulders.

        August 27, 2012 at 2:39 pm | Report abuse |
  96. unowhoman

    Howie, I believe that the laws are so in a woman's favor that future men should even think about getting married or have kids until they are 40 but you are CRAZY to say "no such thing as martial rape"! If you don't believe "no such thing as martial rape" then I guess if your wife got you drunk, tied you up and went town on your behind with a plunger you would be ok with it right? No, unless you enjoy that (ewww) you would be screaming RAPE fool!

    August 27, 2012 at 1:55 pm | Report abuse |
  97. foo

    How can I say this,,, I agree with the spirit of the law, and in this case I believe it to be just, but I have a couple of concerns about gender bias in a case such as this.
    1. If the roles had been reversed, I doubt any such action would have occured. When you consider that most of the time it is the man paying alimony, and that women are just as likely as men to be abusive (yes I am referring the verbal abuse), this law is clearly very gender biased.
    2. A woman can get an order of protection against her husband, simply on her statement alone, the accusations never have to be substantiated. I personally know of one person who's EX did it just to be vindictive, when he tried to challenge the order he was told it is always granted if the women says she feels threatened, period.

    August 27, 2012 at 1:53 pm | Report abuse |
    • CommonMan

      foo – correct and it's unconstuitutional gender-bias... but you'll never find any of the cowardly lying dishonest lawyers to prosecute the case because establishing Stare Decisis (precedent law) would cut into all the money being spent by victimized males in America as they attempt to maintain positive relationships with their kids. So, you have child abusers posing as lawyers and judges... all criminals... and they ARE abusing children. It's America's "Little dirty secret".

      August 27, 2012 at 1:57 pm | Report abuse |
    • Been there

      I think it depends on what state you live in. Here in GA you cannot get a TPO (temp protection order), "on statement alone". You have to have a recent police report that shows the threat or act of violence in your person, in order to get one. I know first hand. I was held captive in my garage by my insane ex and only got the TPO because I managed to grab a pone and dial 911 before he could snatch it from me. Based in that call I got the TPO. If I had NOT done that, it is a "he said, she said" situation and they cannot legally give you a TPO based on that.

      August 27, 2012 at 2:14 pm | Report abuse |
  98. Josef F

    You can't go somewhere else? Bull-crap. How about you "do unto yourself what your wife is currently unwilling to do unto you"?

    August 27, 2012 at 1:52 pm | Report abuse |
  99. Rick LaPlace

    She has her rape ON TAPE?
    Doesn't anyone know about S&M homemade porn?

    August 27, 2012 at 1:51 pm | Report abuse |
  100. ej

    wait, just because on spouse isn't it the mood then its ok to rape them? Why can't you just wait another day to have sex? I, a man, sometimes isnt in the mood for sex and will refuse to give it. How the hell is that abuse if Im not in the mood for various reason like being sick, have a haedache or having a bad day? Same goes for the wife, witholding sex for a day because of various of reasons isn't abuse. If the people in marriage can't communicate their needs then they shouldnt be married.

    August 27, 2012 at 1:47 pm | Report abuse |
    • Battsman

      EJ – I think you are asking too much from comment trolls who think it is perfectly legitmate to use the perjorative "B_tch" as synonymous with wife and/or woman. I suspect that if they really hold the opinions they do, they will end up old, alone, and living with cats – like a spinster...

      August 27, 2012 at 1:56 pm | Report abuse |
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